“I have a million more questions, but I guess yours deserve priority now,” Lalita told her, smiling sweetly. She was happy that she should be the one that Astrid talked to first and wanted to oblige in answering as many questions as she could. “Shoot.” Lalita crossed her legs and waited patiently. “It seems so weird to be asking this stuff,” Astrid admitted. Lalita spoke sympathetically. “I can see how strange this is for you right now, but you can relax. Whatever you want to know, if I can tell you, I will. Promise.” “So fire away!“ she exclaimed. Lalita’s friendly, easy and accepting attitude made Astrid feel more comfortable and she shot off a mass of questions all at once. “What’s my real name? Why haven’t you said it? How long have we known each other? Were we close? Did you know my family? What happened to them?-” Lalita held up her hands in a gesture of pause. “Wait! Slow down, doll! I can only answer one at a time,” she laughed, exasperated. Lalita’s phone started to vibrate in her pocket and she signaled for Astrid to hang on a minute while she checked the caller ID. Lalita rolled her eyes, shot an apologetic look at Astrid and answered. She had a few moments of irate conversation with a person who, Astrid assumed, was Lalita’s boss and while they talked, Astrid gathered that Lalita was being asked to come back in to work after a very long string of extra shifts.
Lalita slammed the phone down on the table when she was through and apologized to Astrid again. “I’m sorry, doll. I have to go in to work, but we can finish this conversation after if you want? I’m supposed to get off at eleven,” she concluded with an eye roll. “Your boss has impeccable timing,” Astrid complained. “I know.” Feeling guilty, Lalita decided, “she won’t die if I keep her waiting an extra ten minutes. I’ll answer your first few questions and we’ll have time to get to the rest later, ‘kay?” “Thank you. So much,” Astrid replied, truly grateful. “Um…okay. Let me see…I’ll have to start with the easy ones for now. Your real name is Anastasia Naomi Kane, but no one ever called you that. I’ve always called you - and pretty much everyone else - “Doll” which is why I never said you’re name. You’ve always called me ’Lita so I knew something was weird when you were using my full name. At first I thought you’d just gone and got all sophisticated on me.” She smiled and continued. “We’ve known each other since we were eight years old and yes, we were close. I was your best friend. Well, second best. Jake beat me to the punch on that one,” Lalita laughed.
Astrid tried to pay attention to every word Lalita said because she did find all of it interesting and amazing, but still, it just kept flowing through her ears like water, fading in and out of the background. - “…You spent most of your time at his house, though. Dinner with his family and everything…” - Astrid could barely retain most of it. “I didn’t know your family very well because you lived with your grandparents and-“ It wasn’t because she didn’t care or that she wasn’t really listening; it was just that she didn’t realize how incredibly good it would feel to hear her real name being spoken. Anastasia. She kept hearing it over and over again, trying to visualize herself using that name in conversation or being called by that name at work. As good as it was to finally know her real name, Astrid realized she didn’t like it. Anastasia. No wonder she didn’t go by it.
“I’m so sorry, doll- I’d love to keep talking, but I really have to go. Will you come by the bar tonight?” Lalita asked as she stood to leave. It was abrupt and unexpected to Astrid who had been sitting at the table wrapped up in her own thoughts, but she quickly remembered that Lalita had only promised her ten minutes. Ten minutes went by that quickly? It seemed like no time at all had passed. She couldn’t even remember anything Lalita told her except for her name and that they were best friends. Did she really space out completely on the rest? No…she thought she remembered Lalita saying something about being eight years old and thought later, she might have mentioned grandparents. Maybe if she meditated on it, she’d recall the rest on the drive back home and if she didn’t, it wouldn’t matter because she could simply ask Lalita again if she met her at the bar. “Yeah. I’ll be there around eleven.” “Make it eleven-thirty. That old hag never lets me off on time.” “Eleven-thirty it is. Thank you so much, Lalita,” Astrid said fervently as she stood to give her friend a hug. “Just ’Lita,” she said with a smile. She winked at Astrid, left some money on the table and walked out the door.
On the drive back home, Astrid’s head was spinning, trying to recall all the details she only vaguely ascertained. It honestly wasn’t much. ’Lita said she was only going to cover the easy ones and she hadn’t touched on Astrid’s parents at all that Astrid could remember. Only her grandparents. She never mentioned why Astrid was with them in the first place. She thought it would be so refreshing to finally be open with someone, but - though some parts of it were nice and much easier than she expected - mostly she just had a new bundle of questions she was dying to ask and knowing there was someone out there who could very possibly answer them just made her all the more frantic for information. Astrid felt she had unburdened herself only to be overloaded with a fresh set of encumbrances. Shouldn’t it have been freeing? Shouldn’t it have been exhilarating to be so close to some real pieces of her life?
Instead, she still felt heavy. Despite the fact that Astrid knew she’d have more questions answered that night, she still, perhaps irrationally, felt a little cheated. She had given so much today. Typically, when someone made a massive progression, weren’t the heavens supposed to open to pour singing angels from the sky while a golden light showered down from above or some shit? She answered all of ’Lita’s questions as truthfully as she could and though she didn’t give a very emotional account of her life’s happenings, she still did it. She confided in someone. She trusted someone other than Vince with her scanty life’s information and more importantly, she went to someone - all of her own accord - for help. She asked for help for the first time in her life. Vince had offered his help and she’d taken it. The two things were very different. She hadn’t even prayed to God for help since that very first night in the woods. Hmmm, she mused silently…maybe that’s the reason I don’t hear any singing.
Yes, Vince knew the basics of her story, but only what he needed to know. With him, it was all about necessity and facts - it wasn‘t truly personal. She needed him to help her start over and so she had no choice but to give him the little information she had at the time. Didn’t it only really count if you chose to share personal information out of want rather than need? After a while, they did become friends and they had built a certain level of trust with one another, but what else could you expect of two people who were forced to spend so much time together? And for a while, Vince was the only correspondence Astrid had until all the documents and details for her new life were put together.
He was a character that, no matter how annoying he might have been at times, you couldn’t help but like; though there were certain things that Astrid liked better than others.He never apologized for what she went through. He never coddled or tried to comfort her and except for the one occasion when he first saw her face in front of the restaurant, he never seemed to pity her or feel any sympathy for her at all. He only tried to help and never asked for anything in return. He didn’t treat her like some fragile little china doll. These were a few of the reasons she felt so comfortable and worked well with him. The list of things she didn’t like was slightly longer - he was far too flirty, obnoxious, cocky, always had to be right and was a bit of a womanizer - but, he had come to be a good friend. Had she shared those parts of herself with him after becoming friends rather than before, it would have taken on a different significance.
She hadn’t exactly spilled her heart and soul to ‘Lita, but she knew she could after today no matter how daunting it seemed to do so. Like Alex, ‘Lita was her friend and with both of them, it was personal - more so with Alex - which automatically put a lump in Astrid‘s throat. ‘Personal‘, in Astrid‘s mind, was synonymous with the words ’vulnerable’ and ‘exposed‘. It felt kind of like stripping down to your birthday suit in front a crowd of eager spectators. She was very surprised, however, when she found that she was almost comfortable sharing things with ’Lita after she finally got to talking. ‘Lita still didn’t know about the pictures and the letters, but Astrid planned to get around to telling her that when the time was right. She couldn’t reveal everything all in one day. Regrettably, she didn’t mention Alex to her either, but there was time for that. She needed to have her own curiosity settled before she abated anyone else’s.
Shortly before she reached home, Astrid got sick of swimming in her own head. She knew if she continued straight home, she’d be drowning in her melancholy all day and it was no good spending her life that way. It just made her even more miserable than she already was. Add her Alex issues to the mix and that just made everything worse. She was tired of thinking about it. She didn’t want to wrack her brain all through the day because that would just make the time until eleven pass even slower when she was sure it would pass slowly enough without her dwelling. Astrid decided she needed a distraction to take her mind off things. She knew just what she wanted to do and pushed the accelerator down. All she had to do was remember how to get where she wanted to go.
It took her more than an hour to find the right place, but she finally did reach the parking area of the mountain trail that Alex had taken her to once before. It was a great place for pictures and such a calming atmosphere - in the daytime, that is. Astrid grabbed her camera out of the backseat of the car and went for a hike. She photographed everything, seeing it all through the lens of her camera. Her only thoughts were of subjects, compositions, lighting and focus. She captured the sunlight filtering through the green leaves of the trees towering over her, she took pictures of strange logs, vibrant flowers, shot bees in flight and at work pollinating the forest around her. She got blue skies, massive grey mountains & the glassy surface of a flowing river. She took several of the river simply because she liked the location, the reflections in the water and the complete serenity she felt just hearing how it trickled over the rocks.
The forest usually intimidated her and scared her senseless in most cases, but here, it was different. A large part of it had to do with the fact that it was a perfect, sunny day outside and she was on a clearly defined trail; the other part had to do with Alex. He brought her here. He was the only reason she even knew this place existed and he told her that he came here to relax or when he needed to think. She took comfort in the fact that he walked the very same trail she was now traveling. Always thinking about Alex. Couldn’t she just stop already? She dug out her cell phone as she continued to walk, but, of course, there was no signal.
She stopped and sighed. It would be getting dark in a few hours and, though she’d only been walking the trail for about an hour, stopping often for pictures, she started heading back in the opposite direction to her car. She hadn’t gone very far in so it wouldn’t take long to travel the distance back. She was all about facing her fears and not letting anything hold her back - another reason she chose this particular area for her solitary photo session - but being caught in the woods at night, even if it was on a trail, was a no go for Astrid and probably always would be. This place was magnificent during the day, but she didn’t even want to imagine how sinister it would look at night. She also needed to get back to town so she could make a few calls - Alex was one of them. Vince was another.
As she dialed Alex’s number, she felt a pang of uneasiness. Astrid was sure she was calling in vain. Again. It was so unlike Alex to consistently ignore her phone calls. He always had a good reason for not answering or at least called her back as soon as he was available. And usually, she didn’t have to call him - it was the other way around. The worry and disappointment started creeping back up on the sixth ring and this time she decided to put her stubborn pride away for two seconds and leave the man a message. “Alex, it’s Astrid. Call me back as soon as you get this. Please. I’m…I’m - I’m worried about you.” Why was that last part so hard to get out? There’s no shame in being worried about someone you care for no matter how vulnerable it makes you feel. Right? Maybe Vince could help. After she finished tearing him apart for leaving her in the dark.
While Astrid was talking to ‘Lita, she came to the realization that Vince might have been holding something back from her, too. She couldn’t shake the feeling and the more she thought on it, the more things became clearer. Astrid wasn’t very trusting, but she had learned over the years to put a certain amount of trust in Vince and he’s always delivered. Except once. What are the odds that a high-priced lawyer with connections everywhere wouldn’t be able to find a handful of people when he had something concrete to go on, but she could stumble across an old friend in a bar without even trying? She needed to discuss her concerns with him and find out the truth.
Astrid ran her finger down a list of numbers pinned to a cork board over the desk in her bedroom, until she reached “V.S”. A female receptionist answered the phone. “Yes, may I speak with Vincent Sullivan, please?” “He’s currently in the middle of a consult. I can give him a message and ask him to call you back or you can try again in about fifteen minutes.” “I’ll just call back. Thanks.” Astrid hung up feeling crestfallen. She tried to channel Alex to find a sliver of optimism. At least it was only a fifteen minute wait as opposed to nearly four years. Fifteen minutes, she could do. Astrid killed the time by loading the pictures she’d taken that day on to her computer and scrolling through them, picking out her favorite ones. It took about ten minutes so, to get through the remaining five, she dropped her cell phone - her new constant companion as it were - down on to her desk and practiced picking it up, flipping it over and opening it with her mind. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that difficult and she found when she looked up that she’d been at it for eight minutes instead of five. She promptly picked it up again and pressed “talk” twice to redial Vince’s office number.
“Vince Sullivan,” he answered, all business. They immediately entered into a short round of comfortable, sarcastic banter. “Oh, no bubble headed, blond receptionists answering your calls this time, Mr. Sullivan?” “Be careful. I might start to think you’re jealous,” he replied teasingly, knowing instantly that it was Astrid on the line. “You wish,” Astrid shot back without hesitation. “I certainly do.” Before Astrid could come back with anything, Vince steered the conversation back to business. “So what can I do for you, Princess?” Or, it would have been all business if he hadn’t added the princess bit on at the end. It was a habit that never really died with him, even after Astrid had chosen her new name. She used to constantly berate him with demands that he stop calling her that, but he had done it so long now that she finally just got used to it and learned to live with it. “Oh, just a little thing,“ she told him far too sweetly for Astrid. It put him on edge. “You can tell me how it is that you couldn’t find a whole pile of people when you had all of their faces stashed in the back pocket of one of those disgusting, expensive suits you wear and I just happened to come across one at a bar by accident.”
Immediately, Vince was alert. “What are you talking about?” “I’m talking about Lalita - damn! I forgot to get her last name,” Astrid whispered in frustration, almost to herself. “Does her last name really matter? How many Lalita’s can there be?” Astrid asked, again, mostly to herself. “Astrid, will you please start from the beginning and tell me what the hell you’re talking about?” Vince asked her, flustered. “I’m talking about me giving you a stack of pictures and you coming back empty handed, telling me you couldn’t find out a single thing about a single one of those people! And then I just happen to stumble across someone who knew me in a bar the next town over! How is that possible? You’re a lawyer- you should be able to find out anything!” “You’ve mistaken me for the police, which, if I recall correctly, you expressly forbade me to involve.” “But you know how the system works. How hard is it to find information on regular people when you have pictures! And you can’t tell me you don’t have connections at some police department somewhere. I’ve known you for four years and you’ve managed to pull all sorts of strings. Why did you drop this one?”
“You said her name is Lalita?” he verified. “Yes,” she answered, distracted for the moment from her tirade. “I’ll get her last name tonight. I’m supposed to meet her at the bar where she works. Locos Grill or something like that.” “You’ve talked to her already?” “Yeah.” Astrid let out a gust of air. “We met this morning at Madelynn’s.” Vince made a noise to indicate he was listening and she should continue. “She told me my real name. Anastasia Kane. Can you believe that? I’m an Anastasia.” “Ugh,” Vince sounded into the phone. “I know, right?” Astrid agreed. She felt calmer now that she’d been talking a few minutes and Vince seemed receptive to her information and not the least bit offended that she’d accused him of purposely keeping her in the dark. “Look, I have another consult in about five minutes, but can you meet me at the park later. Eightish?” “Usual spot?” Astrid asked. “Where else?” and Astrid heard the smile in Vince’s voice. “I’ll be there,” she told him. She started to hang up when Vince said, “oh and Astrid?” “Yeah?” “Disney made a movie about a girl named Anastasia. She was a princess.” Click. Astrid clenched her jaw, rolled her eyes and shut the phone with a snap.
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Chapter End Notes: Reviews are fantastic- make a girls' day and leave one *wink*.
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