Alex woke up just after the sun had broken over the horizon with Astrid curled up in his arms facing him, legs tangled up with his, her head buried in his chest. He couldn’t believe she’d asked him to stay. It brought a smile to his face thinking of how serious she was about it-mind launching his keys onto the porch. He would have stayed without all the theatrics, but the fact that she wanted him to stay badly enough that she was willing to kidnap his keys-not giving him a choice-it was encouraging. It made him feel needed, which was a nice change. The girl was so stubborn…she’d always been spirited, though. It was one of the things he loved about her. Once she set her mind to something there was no changing it and she wouldn’t stop until she achieved whatever it was she was after.
Alex found himself puzzling over just what she was after. He was thinking about the pictures he’d seen on her coffee table the night before. She’d gone to change out of her dress and while Alex waited, he noticed the picture on top of the pile-the one of the river he’d taken her to-only it was taken in the fall. It was summer now. Alex was curious since it seemed to him she never remembered going there before, so he thumbed through the rest and found that most of them were of familiar places and people. He recognized so many of them and Astrid had never shown him the pictures or given him any indication that she even had them. Why didn’t Astrid ever say anything? It must have been what she was so troubled over though he couldn‘t imagine why she would be. He did, however, intend to find out. Alex looked over at her sleeping form, wrapped so tight around him and again he felt hope that maybe his second chance was just around the corner; she was getting close to really letting him in. Maybe she just needed a little more time. He would give her that and hope she would confide in him eventually. Then maybe he could tell her-
He groaned when he heard the buzzing of his phone vibrating on Astrid’s bedside table. She was wrapped around him and practically laying directly on top of him and he really didn’t want to wake her up to get it. She looked so beautiful and peaceful. But, as the buzzing continued, he knew he had to answer it. It must be important if someone was calling him this early in the morning. He gently peeled himself out from under Astrid just enough so that he could reach the phone and flipped it open, trying to speak quietly. “Yeah.” “Alex,” said the frenzied voice on the other end of the line. “Where are you, boy?” “What’s wrong?” Alex asked heedlessly, bypassing his callers’ question. “Your mother has been trying to reach you since last night. She finally just sent me to your place.” He sounded exasperated and even a little angry, but more than anything, the voice was urgent. “I don’t know what you’ve been doin’, but you better haul your ass to the Kane’s. Robert died last night. Anita’s…not well.” Alex was stunned. He’d just seen them-had just been there talking to both of them. He couldn’t speak. Guilt and shame flooded through him.
He must have been speechless for far too long because his dad interrupted his thoughts. “Alex, get your head out of your ass and move it.” This got Alex’s attention as his dad wasn’t often so brusque. It was a sign that he really meant business because Michael Cage was usually a strong, quiet type of man with seemingly never-ending patience. That patience was wavering now for sure. “Your mother is with Anita now, but she’s been up all night and she needs her rest. Anita’s been asking for you and I need to get back to help.” Alex heard the accusation in his father‘s voice even if he didn‘t say it aloud. He was supposed to have stayed with them last night, but he left early to try to make the fundraiser for Astrid. “What happened to Mr. Kane?” Alex asked hesitantly. His voice was feeble; hoarse with failure. “We’re not sure yet. I'm told they’re planning to do an autopsy to determine the cause of death. It appears Anita saw the whole thing, but she refuses to speak to anyone but you,” Michael said almost accusingly. Then he paused, contemplating and the silence was inflated with some kind of meaning. “I know what you’re thinking dad and I have no idea why she wants to talk to me. I’m leaving now,” Alex said, a little roughly. “Before you leave, call your mother,” his dad replied. “Will do.” Then the line went dead and Alex shut his phone with a quiet snap and slipped it inside the pocket of the jeans he was still wearing.
Throughout the entire conversation, Astrid hadn’t stirred and Alex was glad. Though he knew he had to leave as soon as he could, he didn’t know what to tell Astrid. They’d finally spent the night together in the same bed and he didn’t want to be one of those guys that just woke up and left the girl without a word the next morning. He could leave a note, but that didn’t seem much better. He’d have to wake her, tell her he was leaving and he dreaded it. She deserved an explanation, but he simply could not give her that for various reasons that he wasn‘t about to dwell on at the moment. Suddenly, things seemed much more complicated than he’d ever anticipated. Astrid was part of a problem that would have to be dealt with at some point, but there were too many unknowns to decide what to do with her now. Should he tell her about the Kane’s? After all, she did deserve to know what he did when he was “out of town“.
He sat up, slowly and carefully pulled his body the rest of the way out from under hers, once again thankful that she was such a hard sleeper. Gently, he slid her down onto the pillows and she wrapped her arms around them, pulling them closer to her and settling back down again. He didn’t wait to make sure she fell completely unconscious again because he was in a rush. He snatched his keys from the bedside table and left the room, grabbing his white shirt off Astrid’s floor and slipping it over his head on the way to the living room.
His thoughts and emotions were tumbling, raging incoherently throughout his body. He knew he needed to go, but he took a minute to slump heavily down on the couch and collect himself. He was nauseous with pain. Not only was he still dealing with the disappearance of the girl he used to love, he was now facing the death of her grandfather and was sure Anita wouldn’t be far behind. Her grandparents were the only connection he had to her for what seemed like such a long time and he was heartbroken at the realization that they might not be with him for much longer. It’s my fault. He was agonized. He felt bound to care for them since he failed to care for her and now he‘d done the same thing to them- to her-again. He left when he shouldn’t have. He always seemed to fail her. He glanced up toward Astrid’s bedroom, pained indecision staining his beautiful face.
Even though, in many ways, he still blamed the Kane’s for their granddaughter’s absence from his life, he eventually came to understand, as much as he was able, that they had only good intentions. The outcome of their decisions tortured both Anita and Robert enough without Alex’s extra helping of guilt. Alex’s heart still felt heavy with plenty of guilt of his own every time he thought of her and now it would be even heavier with the added weight of Robert‘s death sitting fiercely upon it as well. He could have helped-maybe even saved him-had he stayed like he was supposed to. Even now, though it had been years, his family was still reluctant to bring the Kane’s granddaughter up even in passing because it brought back unpleasant memories of what he was like after he came back home and found that she was gone. It was only because of Astrid that he’d finally found his accustomed optimism and peace of mind again.
On top of all that was the added mystery of Astrid and her tenebrous collection of pictures. Did she know everything? Anything? He would have thought if she’d had any idea that she would have made some type of indication, but she hadn’t. He let those thoughts drift, not allowing them to develop further. He had neither the energy nor the time to ponder on that right now. There was too much to deal with and he had too many things to do. He got up wearily, wiping a hand down his face as he stood, as if clearing all the emotion away and putting it aside for later. He had to get going. He walked outside and made a quick phone call to his mom to assure her that he was on the way, then he went back in to retrieve his shoes, let Astrid know he was leaving and get on the road. He decided against waking Astrid and even though he knew it made him look like an asshole, he left a hastily written note on her bedside table.
Emergency. Had to leave.
Call you later.
Alex
After he left-though still not feeling anywhere near his normal cheerful self-he did start to calm down a little, a side effect of the driving- being in action, feeling like he had a purpose. With the radio off for once and only the sound of rubber on the road and wind in the air, there was plenty of time to think on the two hour drive. Too much time. On top of all the shame, he felt like a complete dickhead for not leaving Astrid a more acceptable explanation. He could have at least jotted down a few “XO”s to take the sting out of his abrupt departure, but he told himself it didn’t matter and pushed it out of his mind. He needed to get himself together before he got to the Kane’s house and Robert would have told him that real men don’t do X’s and O’s anyway. That was for pansy’s and Navy men. He smiled sadly at the memory.
Speeding down the road in his jeep with the fiery morning sun glaring through his windshield, he thought about Anita again and a fresh wave of guilt assaulted him. He physically shook himself to try and extinguish the feeling. He’d just have to deal with it when he got there. That was the best way to handle most things in life and that’s what Alex did the vast majority of the time. He was definitely a just-wing-it type of guy and it usually worked pretty well for him. He was finally able to settle himself and he let his mind go peacefully blank, thinking of nothing. It didn’t seem long before he reached his destination, anxiety slowly creeping back up on him as he stepped out of the jeep at his old home right across the street from where the Kane’s lived. It was a good thing he didn’t contemplate too much on what lay ahead, for no amount of preparation would have been enough for what came next.
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DUDE, THIS ONE WAS SHORT...CHAPTER 6 PERHAPS??
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