Hello once again!
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Chapter 7
~Jasper~
Being an empath sucked motherfucking ass.
It was even worse when one was a vampire empath… as a human, it's bad enough. You don't exactly feel the emotions of others, but you're hypersensitive to those feelings; you can pick up on and understand almost everything, which makes it hard to choose a side when that kind of thing is called for. You can see what someone is feeling enough for it to affect you. That information either makes you desperately desire to help that person or run away and hide. The point is that you can choose. You can choose to use that charisma that seems to come along with being empathic and do what you can to help or you can walk away. If you can clear your mind of it, you can forget about it and move on. As a human, this is easy enough to accomplish without feeling an irrational amount of guilt.
This is not the case as a vampire. Every sense, every emotion, every ability is heightened beyond belief. I'm not just hypersensitive - I actually have to feel this shit. And the closer I am to someone emotionally, the farther away I have to be before their emotions aren't bearing down on me, suffocating me. Which means I have to put this whole damn ocean in between me and Edward in order to get the hell away from his constant emo bullshit which is now intensified a hundred fold by the fact that he tried to eat Bella's mouth. The man needs a therapy session, stat.
And did I mention that vampires remember absolutely everything? So even if I did decide to flee from the ship, my guilt for leaving my family - for leaving Bella - at such a turbulent time would just eat me alive (or undead) until I swam my little pansy, emotional ass right back here.
Plus, I couldn't leave Alice or ask her to choose between either coming with me or staying with Bella. Of course, she'd come with me, but she'd be royally pissed off; and my girl is a firecracker when she's pissed off, and totally not above withholding sex. She's not like Rose; Rose's emotional climate always toggles between bitchy or horny. (Sometimes both at the same time.) This causes her to be unable to go without sex for a single day, because if she did, she'd be completely intolerable. Alice, however, is like a beacon of sunshine - happiness just exudes out of her most of the time - which means she doesn't require nearly as many orgasms to be pleasant toward others. Much to my utter dismay.
So, no, I won't be running away. I'll be trapped here, in this room on this God forsaken boat, with all these damned emotions. So many, in fact, that I don't even know what the fuck I'm feeling right now other than being supremely irritated.
Not that my family was irritating. Of course they'd all be concerned and worried; I'd expect nothing less, especially from Edward. It was just that feeling so many things at once was simply overwhelming. It took a lot of effort to control my ability - to separate the feelings so that they didn't fuse together into one crazy conglomeration of "freak the fuck out soup."
Alice is pretty devastated because she thinks she caused this whole mess and, in a way, she did. But she had her reasons and something would have happened regardless. Alice's instincts were good and the fact that she saw that this was going to happen and didn't stop it meant that she truly believed it was the right thing. I tried to convince her that second-guessing herself wouldn't do her any good, but it was no use; she was still feeling unsure of herself. She tried so hard to shield her feelings from me, but we were so remarkably in tune that it was impossible. Edward's feelings of helplessness and anguish were so overpowering that he was the one I was feeling most, but Alice was a close second.
Then there's Esme who was born to be a mother. She's such a genuine and caring woman that she feels responsible as well and the only conclusion I can come to for why she feels that way is because she approved so whole-heartedly of Edward's decision to stay with Bella because it made him happy. In short, she put Edward's happiness in front of Bella's safety and now both were in jeopardy. I know Esme well enough to be almost certain that I'm right. Carlisle, being the compassionate man that he is, feels saddened, but there is a determination I can feel buzzing in the background that I can only assume means his ever-intelligent brain is hard at work trying to find a solution…a way out.
Next to Alice, Emmett has the most effortless emotional climate to bathe in on a typical day, but considering that today hasn't been what I would call a typical day even for a family of vampires, his hasn't been much more pleasant than anyone else's. Emmett's melancholy was admittedly a lighter feeling than all the rest in the room, but compared with his usual jovial nature, it was downright suicide inducing. Too bad that wasn't an option for me at the moment.
Beside him Rose who was, as usual, bitchy. We were also blessed with the stench - I mean, presence - of Jacob Black. Can I just say that I've never been a dog lover? They may be loyal, but they smell, they piss everywhere and they eat their own regurgitation. 'Nuff said. He was feeling vehement rage along with a piercing worry, but holding it back quite well probably due to the fact that there were eight vampires in the room who wouldn't mind ripping him limb from disgusting, furry limb.
The eighth vampire was Bill Compton. He came in just after the sun went down to inquire about Bella's condition and decided to stay once he saw that she wasn't any better. There was some hostility there that was directed toward Jacob, but there was no secret as to why he should be feeling that. I sent Bill a small wave of, 'back the fuck off' and then I sent Jacob a little spark of, 'down, boy!', once I saw his nose hairs bristling. It wasn't my most effective chill-pill ever, but it did the job well enough to make them both stop hiking their legs in Bella's direction.
After all, that was Edward's pissing territory. Edward shot me a warning glare at this thought to which I silently apologized. I wasn't normally this abrasive and I was more aware than anyone of Edward's feelings for Bella; so much, that on more than one occasion, I found myself having inappropriately passionate feelings about her, none of which were really my own. So I had no right to imply that his feelings were anything but genuine. He seemed a bit peeved about Bill's arrival, but I thought it was quite admirable of Bill to be there for Bella considering he'd only known her for a few short nights. Apparently, he became taken with her just like almost every other person in the cabin.
Rosalie was the exception, but her attitude toward Bella wasn't because she didn't like her. It was simply jealously and the fact that she couldn't understand Bella's convoluted desire to be a blood draining monster instead of chasing after babies and churning her own butter.
Bill had been with us for a few hours when Alice had a vision of the other visitors we would soon be graced with and the sudden burst of undiluted fury that exuded from Edward made me want to decimate every individual in the room. Alice managed to get a handle on Edward quickly enough that I was able to come back to my senses and shoot him a potent wave of calm. It was the first time I'd been able to penetrate his intense emotional state for the past two days.
It wasn't all due to the fact that he was feeling too strongly to dilute; a lot of it was because I was under such emotional stress that I couldn't seem to get a hold on myself enough to control that aspect of my ability. I had just enough working in my favor to occasionally send short bursts of tranquility to each of the members of my family intermittently, but not enough to affect their moods for long and every time I did it, I'd lose a little of the calm I had over myself. It all goes back to that boiling pot of freak the fuck out soup - I had to keep a lot of that peace for myself or I was going to explode on every creature on this boat. I felt selfish for a few moments for doing this, but then I realized that it was for everyone else's benefit as much as my own so I decided that it wasn't selfish at all to want to keep the lid on that particular delicacy. I was already a deadly motherfucker in my human life. Becoming a vampire had exponentially increased that specific craft, second only to my uncanny ability to both receive and manipulate the feelings of others.
Soon, Stefan and Elena joined us, both looking hesitant and feeling the same. Worry and regret charged throughout Stefan's demeanor and was echoed almost exactly by Elena. I wondered why Edward would be so upset about their arrival, but was quickly informed that theirs was not the visit Edward was so livid about. Alice filled us in on the details that Edward neglected to mention upon his return from the "run" he claimed he desperately needed earlier when he left the room so hastily.
"Surely, Edward, you could have mentioned that you were planning on throwing that bastard through two floors of steel, stealing his sun-whatever-the-fuck ring and filling him with sparkle juice to me and Jazz? That's just too much fun to miss. Selfish," Emmett muttered, shaking his head in disappointment at Edward.
That earned a scowl from Edward, Carlisle and Esme and a light chuckle from the rest of us. Even Jacob couldn't hold back a smirk.
Then, Elena caught us up on her running to find Stefan afterwards and coming directly to our cabin, figuring this is where Damon would come as soon as he was able to.
Apparently, they were right and Edward seemed both wildly infuriated and cheerful about this fact. An odd combination, but he explained his reasoning when Emmett asked what the rest of us were tentative to bring up in conversation in fear of getting Edward all wound up and crazy again.
"So, dude…why are you all butthurt that Damon wants to come here and kick your ass if that's exactly what you wanted him to do?"
"Because I loathe him for what he did to Bella and seeing his face makes me want to tear the wooden legs off this bed and riddle his body with holes. But, I need him at least until the sun comes up if I'm going to have any hope of saving her," he rattled off in a fast, monotone voice without moving an inch from where he sat gazing at Bella.
Cryptic much? I looked to Alice to elaborate since Edward clearly wasn't going to. Normally, she jumped at the chance to expel other people's big plans, but this one, she was hesitant to mention. She didn't see what was happening until it was already too late to stop because Edward had very cleverly used the *"split-second decision" limitation on Alice's visions to get one over on her.
About an hour after Alice's initial vision regarding visitors, we all heard Sookie and Damon approaching outside our door. I felt brief and meager spurts of annoyance, aggravation and anger from the both of them even from outside the door, which only provoked my own similar feelings to amplify further. We listened while they bickered about whether or not they were coming in and what may or may not happen once they did.
So indecisive.
Nothing would ever get done if we waited for those two and I, for one, wasn't about to sit there and stew while waiting for them to decide. I wasn't eager for the extra floodgate of innervations, but I did want to go ahead and get all the hostility out of the way while I still had a small amount of control over my affect on the others. And myself. I shot out of my seat like a bolt of lightening and flew to the door, only to be blocked by Edward who was instantly joined by Alice.
"You can move. I'm not going to harm them. I'm simply going to tell them to make up their minds before I explode," I explain quietly, teeth clenched.
I felt as if I was about to crack under the strain of all the emotional activity in the room. It's too much for one person to internalize and deal with on their own; super empath or not.
"We know, Jazz," Alice cooed. "But, if you open the door now with emotions running as high and low as they are, you should know better than anyone what will happen. Besides, Hermione is on her way up the stairs now. She'll help diffuse them so you don't have to. They'll all be coming in about five minutes from now."
"Alice, I'm not sure Jasper has five minutes". Edward turned to me and scolded, "You should have left hours ago. This is too much stress for you and no one would have blamed you if you needed a breather. But, if you lose control of yourself now, when I am this close to getting the answers I need to help Bella-so help me-I will make sure you regret it."
"Edward!" Esme and Carlisle gasp together at the same time that Alice yells, "Seriously? Back off. You're being an idiot."
Edward was just about to protest, but I interrupted.
"No," I breathed to Alice. "Edward is right. I should have left hours ago. It's too much," I admit shamefully.
I always seemed so much weaker than the others for one reason or another. I didn't want this to be a time - when we all needed each other so badly - that I abandoned them because I couldn't handle the intensity of all the agony and regret floating about the room. I realized that if I wanted to help them in any capacity at all, I needed to get myself together first and I couldn't do that without a little space.
I was also a little peeved with Edward for not saying something earlier. If he had spoken up, maybe that would have forced me to "get some fresh air", so to speak, and I wouldn't be feeling so out of control right now. I could have earlier, but now it wasn't an option because I knew I'd be needed to assuage the ferocity between Damon and…well, all the rest of us. He released his hold on me and answered my thoughts quietly, but no matter how quiet he was everyone would still hear anyway.
"I didn't ask you to leave earlier for the exact reason that you didn't go. Your pride. I didn't want you to feel weak because you aren't. Truthfully, you've been holding yourself together quite well. You can control this. And if you feel like you can't, you're free to leave whenever you like."
I could feel Edward's sincerity, even tinged as it was with impatience and the ever-present misery.
I put on a hard face and willed myself to get it together. I was helped along quite a bit by my family, who made a very obvious but welcome effort to generate some positive feelings about the air. Everyone pitched in except for Jacob, who was dead-set against making anything easier on a bloodsucker. After several moments, I took a deep, unnecessary breath, nodded to my wife and we walked hand in hand together back to my seat. Alice perched in my lap, wrapping her slender arms around my neck and I allowed her to be my source of calm and comfort for a few moments. Before I knew it, while there was still a cornucopia of negative emotions permeating the atmosphere, I had more control than I felt since the whole mess with Bella began. We could still hear Damon and Sookie quibbling outside the door, but I blocked their trivial irritations with one another almost effortlessly. Even so, I was relieved when I heard Hermione's arrival and purposely reached out to feel her waves of collected logicality.
Soon, Esme was walking to the door and wrenching it open, her impatience finally getting the better of her. She was polite to our guests, as always, because Esme could never be inhospitable, but I could feel her basic instinct to kill coming through the moment Damon stepped in the door. She masked it like the pro she was.
The whole exchange took more time than anyone would have liked, being that Bella would soon be awake, but throughout it I could feel in earnest what Damon tried so hard to hide from the majority of the people he met.
Guilt, remorse, pain, disgust, restraint…all that on top of the overwhelming rage he was emitting. He wasn't quite the hard ass he wanted the general public to believe he was, but I wouldn't betray his secret. Sometimes, I feel an inexplicable duty to protect what I know about people, even if those people don't always deserve it. I had a feeling it would all be coming out in due time, anyway.
We'd have to spend a lot of time with Damon if he was going to be helping Bella, because there's no way in hell any of us would be leaving him alone with her again. Even me, and I knew first hand how guilty and overwrought he felt with himself. I used my ability to calm some of that, as well as to help keep the conversation civil. I had a feeling if anyone got too heavily into it right now, it would be a fight to the death and honestly, I didn't think I could take anymore of that right now. Bella hovering on the edge of the unknown was more than awful enough.
There were only a few more minutes left before Bella would begin to stir when some of the feelings in the room started to shift in a rather curious direction. Alice had a brief vision where she blanked out for a few seconds, so I knew something was definitely coming after that. It was like I felt the air around me change, bend and flex around me in a way that I'd never felt before. I couldn't tell what emotion I was feeling. It all made sense when Hermione shot a golden sliver of light out of the tip of her wand very akin to sunlight.
It wasn't emotion I was feeling, but magic. Funny. I didn't realize until that moment that magic was something I could feel outside of mine and Alice's bedroom.
The luminous streak of sunlight set the whole room ablaze in a way that made myself and all my family shimmer blindingly. Our facets of shining, incandescent diamond skin ricocheted off of each other and every other surface in the room until the light was all gold and white speckled with bits of color from the rainbow.
Sookie and Elena were immediately shoved down to the floor and covered by Bill and Stefan respectively, which I'm guessing was to shield them from the sheer heat of it. It felt like liquid fire even to me and I was farther away than everyone else.
I couldn't see much after that because, as sensitive as our vision is, the brightness physically hurt to look at. I had to shut my eyes and all I was left with for a few unbearably long moments were the sounds of torturous pain, the heat and feelings of explosive fear coming from several different directions. I clutched Alice to me in a death grip and didn't release my hold until I was sure it was over. I saw, through my closed eyelids, how the world suddenly got pitch dark in comparison to the gleaming radiance of only seconds before. When I opened my eyes, the light was once again coming only from a few bulbs in the ceiling and on the tables throughout the room. It took less than a second to assess everyone's physical well being. All fine. Except for Bill.
While Damon laid flat on his back, unscathed and astonished, Bill lay on top of Sookie in a bloody, rubbery heap. The force of the scintillating beams Hermione rendered was so powerful that in the ten seconds she held on to the magic, Bill had become unrecognizable. His skin was literally melted to his bones.
Sookie was crouched underneath him, sobbing and shrieking uncontrollably. I sent her wave after wave of calm, but couldn't do much to relieve her pain. Pain. Of course! Not emotional pain, but physical. Her skin was on fire from being in contact with Bill's smoldering flesh.
Edward and I seemed to react at exactly the same moment, but Emmett reached her first, having been closer. He wrenched Bills body from the top of hers, burned skin stretching along like melted cheese as he laid Bill down gently, but quickly on the floor.
It seemed Bill had managed to keep skin to skin contact with her to a minimum after he realized he was burning, but even so, Sookie was left with large patches of raw, angry skin smattered all across her exposed back and shoulders. A few smaller burn marks were on her neck and arms as well.
Rose took Sookie by her waist and lifted her carefully to carry her to the bed at Carlisle's instruction while he knelt down to examine Bill. Sookie was still conscious and in plenty of pain, but having Bill's body removed from the top of hers was an instant relief so she let up on the shrieking. Instead she was just panting heavily, trying to get out words that just didn't want to make an escape.
I noticed after a moment that Edward and Sookie were looking very intently at one another, obviously into another silent exchange. Their gifts sure were convenient in times like these.
Edward asked aloud for an update on Bill's condition for Sookie and Carlisle confirmed that he was alive (or perhaps, still undead would be the better way to put it) but couldn't say for how long. Elena offered to go get him some blood to help him heal and Stefan followed along behind her. Carlisle didn't know if it would even help considering the severity of his condition, though it was most definitely worth a shot if they hurried.
Once Stefan and Elena departed, Carlisle went to inspect Sookie who had been laid flat on her stomach on the bed beside Bella. Rose untied the fabric of her halter top from around her neck so that Carlisle could get a better look and then she left for nearly two seconds and returned with his medicine bag.
Hermione hadn't said a word throughout the entire thing. She stared, eyes wide with shock at the events playing out before her. It was clear she hadn't thought of Bill when her little plan occurred to her. Horror and remorse cascaded from her very soul as she gazed at Bill with fat tears spilling in a flood down her now pale cheeks. I watched as she gulped, her wand tumbled to the floor and she fled the room in a panic. Jacob started to go after her, but stammered when he passed by Bella's bed and saw her finger twitch.
That's when all hell broke lose.
Damon, having been struck silent and seemingly frozen to the floor hadn't made a move the entire few minutes that all the commotion was going on. He was bewildered and relieved, in awe and utter disbelief and absolutely flooded with a confused sort of hope. His light blue eyes traveled to Bella the instant she twitched and he spoke the words that sent everyone else, including myself, into a frenzy of motion.
"I didn't die," he half-laughed in wry surprise before adding carelessly to Edward - almost as a side note - "and, by the way, you're girlfriend is waking up. I'd move the blood buffet away from her if I were you," gesturing to Sookie and the open wounds that Carlisle was just beginning to dress. There was a sudden cadence of movement after that in which we all simultaneously reacted.
I moved closer to Bella in an effort to better influence her unpredictable emotional state as she twitched again once more. I took Alice with me as she was in the middle of another vision, which had her incapacitated and surely was about whatever events were going to follow this one.
Carlisle snatched Sookie off the bed and passed her to Rose who rushed her into the bathroom. Esme was attempting to care for Bill even though there was next to nothing she could do. Edward reached into his pocket for the syringe containing his venom and at a strikingly swift speed, sent the needle plunging into Bella's heart as Emmett leapt onto the bed to pin down her increasingly active form. She was fighting so hard by this point that Jacob even leant his strength by holding down her legs so she'd stop kicking. Edward pulled another syringe from his pocket, pulled the cap off with his teeth and drove a second needle into her skin as she writhed underneath him, Emmett and Jacob. Bella was back with a vengeance, apparently.
That's when Stefan and Elena returned with a wheelbarrow- literally, a fucking wheelbarrow- full of bagged blood for Bill.
They stopped to gawk at a frantic and screaming Bella only for a moment before Elena took the blood to Bill and Stefan came to assist with what Damon should have been helping with; getting Bella to calm the fuck down. I was sending out every ounce of peace I could muster, Bella was drinking it all in, albeit unwillingly and it still wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.
"She shouldn't be like this yet. What the hell happened?" Stefan yelled to no one in particular.
Damon chose that moment to chime in, unbidden, with his two cents. "It could be that somebody had the bright idea to lay a bleeding woman down right next to a half vampire woman, thus driving her into an early frenzy because she sniffed the blood in her sleep. She woke up craving it and then she was pinned down and attacked with needles full of flaming pixie dust. Your panties would be ruffled, too, Stefan, if that happened to you", he said nonchalantly.
Edward snarled at Damon and demanded to know what needed to be done from Stefan, who he obviously trusted significantly more than Damon.
"There's no way to say for sure now that your venom is in her system. It could run its course and turn her without her having to feed or…anything could happen," he said in a rush. He was frustrated, it seemed, with Bella's furious and relentless fighting and possibly a bit flustered by the fact that he didn't know what to expect. She was a one hundred and ten pound half-human earnestly fighting against three vampires and a shapeshifting wolf with me right next to her, still bombarding her with obviously ineffectual sensations of calm. It was unreal. If this is what the transition was like, I couldn't begin to fathom her after-life.
Edward looked at me with alarm etched all over his worried face.
"Maybe injecting her with the venom was too much or we didn't do it fast enough?"
"That seems likely," Carlisle piped in. "Her body has to be on fire, son. Imagine adding that to what she must have already been feeling. And waking up to the scent of blood," he added hesitantly, shame radiating through him.
"It wasn't your fault, Carlisle," I tried to soothe him and I gave him a little of the tranquility that wasn't working the slightest degree on Bella. At least Carlisle is still susceptible, I see with relief as he visibly loosens up his tight and anxious shoulders.
But as soon as I take my focus off of Bella, I realize just how much my influence was affecting her. She only gets more uncontrollable, more volatile-something I thought was impossible. Her body is still attempting to thrash relentlessly in every direction even though she's being pinned down. *She shouldn't be able to move at all, but somehow I can see even Emmett's hands jerking up and down with the force of her flailing. They're managing to keep her down, but the fact that it's taking the smallest amount of effort is alarming. Her screams are incessant, pitched from her throat at deafening octaves that pierce our sensitive eardrums through with explosive pain. At first they were just screams, but I can see that she's started trying to form words; I just can't understand them.
I dole out everything I have for Bella and the difference in her reaction is shocking. She doesn't stop - nowhere near it - but it slows once again to the same electric pace she was at before when I was hitting with her with all the calm I could muster; the reaction that I thought was too wild for me to possibly be having any affect on. It was clear now that my effect was significant - she was just in that much pain that it didn't seem like it was making a difference until you saw the accelerated, exorcist-like episode she entered into once I took my influence off of her.
Everyone was at a loss for what to do for Bella so we just kept on doing what we already were until someone had a better idea.
Rosalie was in the bathroom, presumably continuing to patch Sookie up. Alice was in and out of her visions. It seemed as if they kept changing because she kept phasing in and out of a trance.
Edward was beside himself with every negative emotion under the sun, but knowing him, his mind was still flickering a thousand miles a minute trying to come up with some other plan of action, just as Carlisle seemed to be trying to do. He spoke to Bella a little, trying to add to my calming effects with his voice.
The improvement was infinitesimal.
Jacob and Emmett continued to hold Bella down while uttering soothing words to her as well whenever Edward paused. Elena and Esme were both tending to Bill who was unmoving and wouldn't drink for them and they both kept throwing worried glances in Bella's direction. Stefan and Damon seemed to be having some kind of silent eye-wrestling match with the way they were staring at one another when, finally Damon came over to lend more than just a snide comment.
He pushed Stefan aside and knelt down beside Bella on the bed. He started to reach for her hand, but Emmett gave him a threatening look that said 'don't even try it', which made Damon roll his eyes, but he hesitated none-the-less.
"Fine. Let her be in scorching pain for days, for all I care. I was just trying to help, but hey," he called out casually, "if you don't want my help, I'll just leave. Not like the guy who made her could possibly make any difference to her."
He was goading us and we all knew it, but desperation drove Emmett to let go of her anyway, willing to try anything to make his little sister feel just the tiniest bit better. Damon gave Emmett a curt nod, his way of saying, 'thanks', I presumed.
Still kneeling beside Bella's head, Damon clutched her hand with one of his and then began softly stroking her forehead and hair. He did that for a few moments before he started whispering calmly and sweetly near her ear. He repeated her name a few times and lamented that we were there for her. At first we didn't see much of an affect other than both seeing and feeling Edward's undeniable jealous fury.
"Shhh, Bella," he consoled her. "Follow the sound of my voice," he told her quietly.
"Can you hear me?" he asked. Bella shook her head frantically and cried out in a growl the only word I'd actually understood her say.
"Yes."
"Good girl, Bella. You're going to be alright. Do you know who I am?"
He gave her a second to respond, still stroking her skin lightly with his fingertips. She was beginning to quiet down, her words still rough and scratchy, but becoming more and more coherent as time passed.
"Damon," she managed to get out.
Edward was feeling both relief for her response and an acute sorrow for not being the one to have induced it when Bella breathed out very clearly and unmistakably-albeit slowly-"you…are…such…asshole."
That certainly heightened Edward's feeling of relief ten fold and it even made Damon chuckle along with the rest of us.
"I know, sweetie. I know," he sighed. Bella finally opened her chocolate brown eyes to little more than a squint and peered next to her at the black-clad form of Damon Salvatore.
"No. Really. Douche," Bella said in between deep, staggering breaths while pointing directly at him with the hand that Edward was still holding.
He gave her a wide grin and, surprisingly, she gave him a feeble half-smile in return.
"I tried to tell you, sweetheart, but you women just don't listen," Damon joked with her.
What fell from her lips then seemed to shock most everyone. "Thank you," she told him and I could feel, beneath the torture, a touch of genuine gratitude coming from her.
Damon didn't look pleased with himself, thanks or no thanks, so once the surprise wore off, he just stared at her blankly. "But," she went on, swallowing hugely before she spoke again. "It hurts. It hurts so bad," she cried.
The look in Edward's eyes at these words was as if he'd just died a thousand times and I wasn't all that amazed to see a similar look pass over Damon's face.
"Bella, love?" Edward spoke to her finally.
The sound of his voice seemed to startle her for some reason and she whipped her head in his direction as if she didn't know he was there.
"Where does it hurt? How do you feel?" Edward questioned, stupidly.
Bella began to scream again, but after a few minutes she calmed back down and turned to Damon to answer Edward's question.
"Burns. All. Over," she choked out in response. "My throat," she started to say, but her face screwed up into a painful expression and she wasn't able to finish her sentence.
We all gathered what she was trying to convey, though. Her whole body was burning from Edward's venom, but her throat was the worst and it was very likely dry from all the screaming and the added scorching thirst from waking up right next to fresh blood had to be nothing less than unendurable. Add to that the fact that she should have been unconscious for this part of the transformation and I couldn't imagine what she must be feeling. For me, that's saying something. It still hurts no matter what, but being wide-awake through the entire experience, hyper aware of every prickle of pain, every lick of flames through your veins? I couldn't fathom it. I didn't know how Bella wasn't insane right now, but I was glad for how she was holding it together.
Everyone else felt a similar sense of astounded relief, but Edward's was saturated with heartbreak because Bella seemed to only be responding to Damon. Jacob tried encouraging her to hang on telling her it would be over soon, but at those words he quickly shut his mouth, probably because he didn't know how long she'd be in this pain anymore than the rest of us did.
Noticing that Bella was calmer when he spoke to her, Damon once again took control of the situation.
"Bella, sweetie," he whispered, "I need you to tell me what woke you up. Were you aware of anything at all?"
Keeping her focused on the questions seemed to be the best way of distracting her momentarily from the pain and I was thankful to Damon for recognizing that. He was a grade-A asshole, but he was observant and he really was doing everything he could do in the moment for Bella.
"A smell. Like…copper."
She was still writhing a little, but not because she was trying to escape. She just couldn't help it with the pain she was in. Her muscles were spasming from trying to fight the pain away and I imagined she had fire boiling through nerve-endings she didn't know she had. The seizure-like reaction was to be expected, but the way she managed to remain coherent throughout it all was extraordinary.
"I tasted it in my mouth," she went on, pausing and holding up a single finger as she winced in pain so that we'd know she wasn't finished.
"It burned." She pointed to her throat.
"Wanted water," she wheezed.
"I know you did, Bells. Then what?" Damon's eyes never left Bella's face as he rubbed his thumb back and forth across the top of her hand.
"Fire. In my heart. It hurts, Damon," she cried again for the second time, the look in her eyes pleading with him to make it stop.
"It'll be over soon, okay? Remember why we did this?"
Bella seemed incapacitated for a moment, but slowly her eyes traveled around the room until they came to rest on Edward, who was sitting on the opposite side of Damon holding her other hand.
He swelled with hope and an automatic smile graced his face. Bella didn't smile back. She didn't nod or say another word as the tension in the room compounded tremendously. She just turned her head back to Damon in a refusal to acknowledge Edward.
"Don't do that. You asked for this, for him, Bells, and I never would have done it if you hadn't…" Damon paused, trying to gather his thoughts before he went on, "appealed to my more sensitive nature."
Yeah. Whatever that means, I thought. Still no sign of agreement from Bella.
"He loves you," Damon assured her.
"He did it," was all she said. Finally something and no one understands what she means. Damon looked at her quizzically, but didn't speak.
"My heart. The burn. He did it," she gasped in short bursts.
Apparently, she was more cognizant than anyone was aware of if she knew Edward was the one who pierced her heart with the needle. Surely, she had to know he wasn't trying to cause her this much torment? He tried to tell her, but she started to speak again and we all had to be quiet to hear her small voice, distorted as it was with pain.
"Doesn't…he doesn't….want me?"
Another pause. "He…." she started, but changed tacts in the next breath. "Am I….dying?"
Amidst all the physical pain and even through all the peace I was throwing her way, I felt a distinct and unmistakable throb of rejection. She thought Edward was trying to kill her, not save her.
"No." Damon shook his head at her while Edward stared on in horror, not sure if he should speak or let Damon handle this one.
"No, sweetheart, you're not dying. You're changing. Edward gave you his venom," he explained gently.
I could sense everyone's astonishment, save for Elena's, that Damon was being so caring with Bella, but I wasn't at all surprised. Tenderness wasn't something he was prone to showing too many people openly, but the situation with Bella brought it out of him. It wasn't long, though, before he diverted back to his usual sarcastic manner.
"Sparkles wasn't trying to kill you. As gay as he looks, he really does love you. He was trying to save you so you wouldn't have to be like me. You might even glitter in the sun now, too," he smiled what I guessed was supposed to be a charming grin.
It took Bella a bit to digest this information, but as soon as she did, she turned her head back in Edward's direction. It was clear that she was getting tired from all the physical exertion that just wouldn't slow down, but she did try to squeeze Edward's hand and gave him a small smile before letting out a sudden, blood curdling shriek. I was already giving all I could in the chill pill department so I was really hoping someone had some better ideas for what to do.
Stefan thought he might be able to help calm her some because even though Damon had been the one to end her human life, they had both given her blood, which meant they were both responsible for her to some degree. For them, giving blood is a sort of bonding experience and so Stefan guessed that she would feel marginally more comforted having them both there for her. There we all stayed, by her side trying to help comfort her through the pain as much as was possible.
Edward never left her side and constantly reminded her how much he loved her to which she would try to respond, but was mostly unable except for one time when she just barely managed to get out the words, "love. you," in a short staccato beat.
Those two little words did more for Edward's emotional state than I was ever able to do for him. I found it ironic that Bella was the one needing the comfort and support, yet she was still trying to be there for him in the midst of her own suffering. It did not go amiss that even when she thought he'd tried to kill her and didn't want to speak to him, she still didn't let go of his hand.
The hours were long and intense. During that time, Carlisle checked in on Sookie and was informed by Edward that if he went to find Eric Northman, Sookie would be patched up in no time and maybe he would even know what to do about Bill. Edward didn't relay this information earlier because Sookie had silently asked him not to, but he was unable to refrain any longer once he was aware that - even from the bathroom - the smell of Sookie's blood was driving Bella even more insane as the transformation progressed. Eric came only forty-five minutes before the sun started to rise, gave Sookie his blood and after she healed, they took Bill away to try and care for him and left the rest of us still attending to Bella.
I regretted not being able to go and help as I respected Bill, but Bella was family. She had to come first. I also noticed that Eric stooped down to grab Hermione's wand before he left. Since she'd mentioned in passing that she was with him earlier in the evening, no one protested.
It was a surprise to us when we heard a knock at the door about fifteen minutes after Eric and Sookie departed. Usually, nothing crept up on us, but Alice's visions were getting distorted and hazy and she could only see properly when the vision wasn't regarding Bella, whose outcome was still uncertain, or when Jacob kept his distance because she was still unable to see with him close by. The only reason she was able to see as much as she was before was because she stayed in one corner of the room while Jacob stayed in another, per Alice's request and a death threat from me.
Agitated, Alice answered the door with more force than necessary and didn't greet our guest with her usual perky attitude.
She left the niceties up to Esme and told everyone in a clipped tone, "Harry, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Harry." It would have made me laugh if I wasn't feeling so drained.
"Sorry to interrupt," he said, "but Hermione woke me. Asked me to come over and give you this sleeping draught. Not exactly sure why so if someone could fill me in, that'd be great," he added sheepishly while nervously twiddling his wand between the fingers of his draught-free hand. Esme and Carlisle excused themselves to talk to Harry.
After a few moments, Carlisle called Edward outside and he reluctantly got up to join them, glancing back at Bella all the way to the door looking worried and agitated because Carlisle didn't actually have to call him away. She was still in much pain, sweating and spasming uncontrollably with no sign of an end in sight. I'm sure Edward was listening in to their thoughts all the way to the door so he could get back to her sooner. Seconds later, they all returned with a plan.
Harry agreed that the potion must have been for Bella. How Hermione knew of Bella's condition could only be attributed to a visit from Eric. He must have stopped by her cabin to return her wand and told her what was going on. It was brilliant of her to come up with the idea to put her to sleep… now to see if it works. I stayed planted in my position, but put my hand on Bella's shoulder, as physical contact seemed to increase the effectiveness of my abilities. Damon was still patiently stroking Bella's hands and occasionally, her hair, while Edward explained what they were about to do.
It took Stefan, Jacob, Rosalie, Alice and Carlisle to hold Bella's spasming body still while Edward straddled her and poured the potion down her dry, scorching throat as Esme, Elena and Harry looked on with concern. She coughed, spit and gagged at the taste of it, but managed to swallow most of it down.
Finally, after hours of fighting, hours of pain and endless intensive stress, Bella started to settle into a deep, peaceful sleep only minutes after the concoction first touched her lips.
A sleep we were confident she would wake up from.
What she would be like when she awoke, again was uncertain, but we were no longer plagued by the worry that she wouldn't make it or the constant distress of knowing she was in unbearable pain. The situation was still less than ideal, but finally things were looking a little less bleak.
As Bella took her first deep breath, all the inner turmoil I'd been having to deal with for the last few days came floating back to the surface. Finally. A break. I gave Alice an apologetic look and knew she'd understand when I bolted from the room to try and find some silence, some real peace instead of the kind I'd been forced to manufacture for longer than I thought myself capable.
As I exited the room, I heard Edward protesting against anyone following me.
"Is he okay, son?" Carlisle asked.
"He keeps thinking about soup," Edward answered, making it sound almost like a question.
He was too polite to go into detail with Esme and Elena present.
Just before I sprinted out of hearing range, I heard Alice and Emmett laughing boisterously as they yelled simultaneously, "freak the fuck out soup!"
Even without any mind-reading abilities, they knew me far too well. The thought made a genuine smile creep up on my face as I jumped off the boat into the quiet sea below, where nothing would be able to reach me until I got ready to come back to the surface.
Whew! That was a long one. On to * explanations :)
*The split-second limitation on Alice's vision. For those of you that don't know- Alice's visions are subjective because the future changes so much. Someone has to decide on something before she can see it. If they make the decision at a moment's notice, IF Alice even sees it, it's too late anyway. That's what happened when Edward attacked Damon - he didn't even know he was going to do it until he did it and so Alice didn't see til it was already happening.
*Even Emmett's hands moving up and down with the force of Bella's thrashing- Emmett is the strongest of the Cullen vampires and if he can't keep her still by himself, can you imagine how strong all that pain is making her? Her body is just going out of control with bloodlust and the change itself while Bella is overwhelmed and frightened because she doesn't know a whole lot more about what's going on than anyone else does. It's a pretty hard thing to fight off.
Enough of that - Please press review. They make me update faster. :) And as always, thanks for reading!
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