Piece of Mind - Chapter Four

  Warning: Chapter 4 is super long! That wasn't my intention when I started, but this chapter didn't seem to want to stop so I just went with it.


  Running. She was running as fast as her legs could carry her through a dark maze of trees. Panting, barely able to breathe, muscles cramping, the stitch in her side steadily growing more painful, but unable to stop. He’ll catch her if she stops. Somewhere in her mind, even in sleep, Astrid wondered what this mystery girl was running from. She could not see herself anywhere, but felt everything acutely. Emotions were springing back from the running girls’ mind, pain from her protesting body; all of it coming back, assaulting Astrid so she was nearly as incapacitated as the girl racing ahead of her. What was she running from? What could be so terrifying? Astrid felt a sudden coldness trickle through her brain; a strange, awful sensation that felt like her brain cells were steadily being crusted over in ice. The girl kept running. Astrid called ahead, called for the girl to stop. Turn around. Help her. But the girl fell to the forest floor just as the first horrible blow struck her.

    “Astrid!” Someone was yelling her name irritably. “Get up, girl!” Astrid’s head jerked up startled and she gasped. “We have to go. Now.” With cloudy, unfocused vision, Astrid looked bewildered around the room trying to regain her bearings and recognize the agitated voice that was waking her. A hand waved in front of her dazed features. “Hello, earth to Astrid…get off your ass and get dressed. Did you completely forget about the fundraiser tonight?” Carmella. Fundraiser? Astrid’s brain felt like molasses; slow and thick with sleep. It had been one exhausting week. Slowly, realization started to slide in. Fundraiser. The Fundraiser!  “Holy shit! What time is it!?” Astrid yelled frantically as she jumped speedily up from her knees. She had fallen asleep at her coffee table. “We have to be there in a half hour to set up,” Carmella said, a bit less irritable now that Astrid had finally come back from the dead. Astrid rushed to her room, all her thoughts tumbling inside her head frantically. She needed to get her dress on, brush her teeth and hair, find her shoes, get her equipment and get out the door so she and Carmella wouldn’t be late for the town’s hospital fundraiser. It was a small town, but it was steadily growing and the hospital facilities weren’t nearly as up to date as they should be. Almost everyone in town had bought a significantly priced ticket to go, eat, dance and join in to raise the money necessary to upgrade equipment and possibly remodel the building. Astrid and Carmella were asked to photograph the event. Carmella would be doing formal portraits while Astrid walked quietly amongst the other guests snapping away and getting some good shots for the paper.

    Astrid hurried to her closet, snatched the ombre-dyed dress down while she simultaneously slipped into the heels that were on the floor just beneath the place where she had hung her dress. It was a beautiful, long, flowing halter in emerald green and black. She snatched the protective plastic off, ripping it in her haste and threw the dress on as quickly as she could manage. The back was left open as she made her way to the bathroom to take care of her other needs and she called to Carmella to come zip it up for her. She brushed her inky black hair quickly, but it was so short that she couldn’t have done much more with it than smooth it out on her head, then she moved on to brush her teeth with lightening speed. After that, she put on some earrings and a necklace as she checked her face to make sure there were no red marks indented in her skin. Carmella took care of the back of her dress while Astrid moved on to her medicine cabinet to smooth on some lip gloss. She didn’t wear make-up, but even if she did, lip gloss was all she would have had time for anyway.

     “What were you doing with all those pictures in there?” Carmella asked, still slightly annoyed, as she stood back to smooth out the back of Astrid’s dress. Well crap, thought Astrid dryly. “Just looking through ‘em,” she replied dismissively hoping that Carmella wouldn’t ask her anything more. She should have hoped harder. Carmella wanted to make conversation. “They’re gorgeous. Where are they from?” Astrid walked from the bathroom briskly to grab her camera bag thinking hard about how she could answer the question. She was trying to figure out the very same thing. She had recently discovered where one picture was taken and decided to dodge the question by just telling her where the one was from. Camera bag over her shoulder, she went to the coffee table, picked up the picture from the river dock so much like the one she had taken last week with Alex. She shrugged, handed it to Carmella and said, “this one is from the end of a trail that Alex took me to last Wednesday.” She didn’t mention that particular picture was taken far before she ever met Alex. Carmella looked briefly, complimented Astrid and then dropped the photo back onto the coffee table with the rest and headed towards the door. It didn’t take much to satisfy her curiosity apparently.

     “Let’s go. We have less than twenty minutes,” Carmella stated. Astrid held the door open for her and now she was the one who was annoyed. “I see that Captain Obvious,” she retorted as Carmella stepped down onto the porch in front of Astrid. She was really only aggravated with herself and her lack of sleep this week and when she realized she was taking it out on Carmella-who just saved her ass by making sure she wasn’t late for the fundraiser-she almost immediately felt bad for getting snappy. Luckily, Carmella was no stranger to sarcasm and it wasn’t easy to get under her skin so no apology was necessary. Carmella just gave her a watch-it-girl kind of look and marched to her car, Astrid following with a smirk on her face. She liked Carmella more and more everyday.

    The fundraiser was being held at the City Hall on the second floor because it was the most spacious building available and thanks to Carmella’s crazy driving, they made it just in time to get set up before too many people showed. The hospital director did have a few choice words about their less than punctual arrival, but again, Carmella swooped in and saved the day so they weren‘t fired from any future jobs. The man didn’t have a ring and Carmella had a dazzling smile, caramel colored skin and a fantastic bust line so you do the math. Her talent for flattering the right people at the right time was absolutely unrivaled. Astrid didn’t waste anymore time. She got her camera out and started making her way through the building recording the decorations and the elaborately set tables, each of which had eight chairs surrounding it. There were big white tablecloths draped over the round tables with fine white china, a deep red napkin-incidentally the same color as Astrid’s bedroom decor-sat up in a triangle by each plate, a champagne glass and silverware wrapped in a thick white napkin with deep red rings around them to keep them closed. The center pieces were arrangements of red and white roses and it was all really very beautiful and elegant. She got a few shots of the hospital employees that were already there, but mostly she tried to stay out of everyone’s way and work invisible, blending in with the background.

    As more people arrived, she was able to slip by unnoticed getting natural, candid photographs of the guests and honestly, that was the way she preferred it. She wasn’t even sure she would have been there if she wasn’t needed to photograph the event. Actually, she knew she wouldn’t be because she would have been at home with her head plastered to her coffee table on top of a pile of pictures. Suddenly, she started to feel a little pathetic. She was working and she needed to concentrate on her job and not her poor, pathetic excuse for a life. Do not go there Astrid, she told herself sternly. She squared her shoulders and focused on her surroundings looking for any opportunity for a good shot. Occasionally, she would stop and make polite conversation with someone she knew, always using her excuse that she needed to get back to work to keep from having to stay too long. She did like the people she talked to, but it was just too hard once they started asking her questions about where she was from, what her family did, where she went to high school…the list just goes on. Even though she did have a very meticulously memorized set of stats and details to give people, occasionally, someone would ask a question that would require her to make something up on the spot. It was easier not to get too close to anyone than it was to continuously lie to them; hence the reason she broke the conversation off quickly. Naturally, after three years it was kind of hard to keep people from knowing her, especially with her particular job and after a while people stopped asking so many questions, but at events like this, the new people she’d never met before tended to be inquiring and it was quite aggravating. Why did they care what her mother and father did for a living or if she talked to them often? Astrid wondered if they ever thought of her, if they wondered what became of her, looked for her or missed her.

    If her thoughts kept progressing in that direction, it was bound to be an even longer night. As Astrid went about her work and thinking herself around in circles, she found herself wishing her brain had a dial so that she could switch it to something else entirely. It was times likes these that she really needed Alex around, but the day after they’d gone hiking he’d been called out of town for some reason unknown to her. She’d never asked him what he did because she was so secretive about her own life she felt she had no right to be prying into his. If he wanted her to know where he went, he’d tell her. Honestly, it didn’t even bother her that she didn’t know where he went; it only bothered her how much she missed him while he was gone. It had been ten days since she’d last seen him. That wasn’t really a lot of time, but the more time she spent with Alex, the more she relaxed and the less stressed she felt. It was nice while he was there, but once he wasn’t around anymore, all of the tension, stress, worry- the blackness- it all came crushing back down over her and she had to readjust to it all over again. Before she met Alex, it was such a constant, tangible part of her life that she didn’t even notice just how much it weighed her down. She just lived with it day after day and dealt with it. It was irksome how much harder it was to do that after only a few days with Alex and rather than getting easier as the days passed, her latest flash of memory-the one she’d had on the dock that Alex miraculously didn‘t seem to notice-made it that much harder.   

    I swear I’m ADD. Focus, Astrid! She psychologically punched herself, took a breath, plastered a smile on her face, and went about the business of greeting and photographing. Even as tentative as she felt lately about her usually exceptional ability to mask her inner anxiety, she still managed to fake confident and focused pretty well. No one had any idea that Astrid felt like her head was going to explode and they all complimented her on how extraordinarily beautiful she looked. It was not everyday that one saw Astrid Phoenix dressed up. Usually her style was always very casual-cute-but she rarely wore anything she wasn’t comfortable in and she was definitely feeling the pain from those heels she was wearing. The only reason she dressed up was because she was hoping Alex might miraculously show up since she had mentioned it to him the last time she talked to him on the phone. Evidently, he wasn’t free to leave wherever he was because he didn’t come.

    It was a long night and she was relieved when it was finally time to go. It seemed the fundraiser did really well, though how well, she wasn’t sure. They would be publishing the details about the success of the fundraiser in the paper. The hospital director was to consult with Carmella about the number of portraits that were taken so they could add their portion of that profit to the final total of funds raised and so that Astrid and Carmella could split the rest of the earnings for their diligent work there that evening. It was a good thing Carmella had made friends with Mr. Hospital Director earlier because if she hadn’t, Astrid had a feeling her paycheck wouldn’t have been quite as substantial as she was hoping for. Despite her gratefulness on the matter, Astrid was becoming increasingly irritated because she was tired and ready to go home. Why couldn’t she have just taken her own car? Astrid had already helped Carmella pack up the equipment and was not-so-patiently waiting on her to get done chatting up Hospital Man, whose name Astrid still didn’t know, when she saw a familiar vehicle pull into the empty lot outside the City Hall.

    She swept down the steps calling out in happy surprise, “Alex!” It was an instant mood lift. He got out of the jeep just in time to come around and catch her in his arms. “Hey babe!” He stepped back from her a little still keeping a hold on both her hands and stared down at her body lit up by the street lights. His face glowed with awe as he saw his girlfriend for the first time ever in a dress. “You look amazing! Really…,” he bit his lip while eyeing her appreciatively, “amazing,” he finished in a breath obviously struggling for words. “Well, thank you,” Astrid replied happily. She was truly flattered and so relieved to see him. “How was your trip?” she asked him hastily. “I’m just happy to be back,” he replied sincerely. Astrid noticed that he didn’t really answer her question, but was detoured from inquiring further when Alex asked, “So, am I too late? Ya done here?” “Yes,” Astrid said grumpily. Alex thought for a second that she was angry he hadn‘t made it in time, but she continued and he discovered the real reason for her bad temper. “I was just waiting on Carmella to finish weaving her spell on the boss in there when you drove up. I’m so ready to go home. I don’t suppose you’d give me a ride?” “The boss?” Alex asked as he started to lead Astrid to the passengers side of the jeep without really answering her question of whether or not he’d take her home. She already knew he would be only too happy to do it.   

    Astrid held up her finger asking him to wait for one second while she got her cell phone out of her camera bag and called Carmella. She answered on the second ring. “Yes?” Carmella said in a clipped tone, clearly not happy that Astrid was interrupting her while she was in full flirt mode. “Alex is here and I’m getting a ride home from him.” “ Well I was coming in a minute, but if you‘re sure maybe I‘ll go out for coffee with Luke,” Carmella replied in such a way that made Astrid sure that Luke was standing right there and this was her way of asking him. Astrid could just see her winking at him as she said it and poor Luke would be standing there like an eager puppy with his tongue lolling out. “You dirty vixen,” Astrid teased. “Your kids must be with your sister tonight?” “All night long,” Carmella replied suggestively. “Okay, well thanks for saving my ass tonight. You have fun. Oh and hey! How did you get into my house earlier?” she added as an afterthought. “You’re welcome, I will and your door was unlocked. You should really be more careful about that, girl. I’ll see you at work.” “’Kay. Bye.” Astrid hung up, reached for Alex’s hand and allowed him to lead her to the jeep.

    “So, the boss?” he asked again. “Oh, not our boss at the paper. The poor schmuck who runs the hospital. Carmella’s going to break his heart,” Astrid said with a laugh. Alex laughed lightly along with her as they pulled out of the parking lot. He was still eyeballing her as they drove, even though he could only see her in the brief glow of the street lights as they sped down the road. “Why are you looking at me like that? Never seen a girl in a dress before?” Astrid questioned. “Not you, I haven’t. You just look so…gorgeous.” He said the last word as if he’d just decided on it at the last second. “Thanks, now tell me what you were really going to say,” Astrid replied smartly. “Attractive, hot, sexy, delicious. Take your pick,” he smiled at her. “Hmmm…I’ve never been referred to as ‘delicious’ before,“ she mused. Astrid stopped there, not really knowing what to say next. You want to find out? seemed like a really cheesy thing to say and she didn’t want to insinuate anything that she wouldn’t be able to stick to later, although tonight for some reason, she was feeling very tempted. Maybe it was some residual vixen vibe left over from being around Carmella. Or maybe it was just the dress. She did feel ten shades sexier tonight than she normally did despite the fact that her feet were aching from wearing the unfamiliar heels for so long.

 It was then that Astrid noticed what Alex was wearing. She was so pleased to see him at first that his clothes were the last thing on her mind, but now that she really took the time to look, she noticed he was wearing an untucked, very precisely fitting white button up shirt that accentuated his muscled chest so nicely-it made her want to tear the thing off with her teeth-with a black suit jacket hung open over it. He didn’t wear a tie and the first two buttons of his shirt were left undone. The next time they passed under a street light, she saw that he was still wearing jeans. Typical. She went all out in the dress and the blisteringly uncomfortable heels and if he had made it in time, he still would have been completely relaxed and comfortable in his semi-formal attire. Damn, did he look good though. “Only you could wear jeans to a formal event and still look completely sexy,” she decided to tell him. “Since I didn’t get to participate in said formal event, it doesn’t really count. But the sexy thing- yeah. I am one sexy fucker, babe. Thanks for noticing.” He gave her a toothy grin and then a little more seriously he added, “besides, I don’t have a suit. This was the best I could do.” “Believe me, I am not complaining,” Astrid said truthfully. Alex gave her a flattered crooked smile and then moved the conversation on.

    He asked Astrid how her night went, if the fundraiser did well and she answered the best she could, but there really wasn’t that much to tell so they didn’t linger over that topic for long. As usual, Astrid couldn’t focus on the present, but it wasn’t because she was thinking about pictures or letters or lost memories and dark forests. It was because she kept getting distracted by thoughts of Alex coming out of his clothes. After so many months of careful, light, fun and almost entirely innocent dating, she realized that slowly, over the course of all that time, her desire and anticipation had been growing. And growing. At first she was down right afraid to even attempt to think of such things and there she was now riding down the road with Alex having full out fantasies. She wondered what was wrong with her. She didn’t remember ever having these feelings at any other time in her life though she knew she must have. Before she met Alex, she was too consumed in her invisible memories-the blackness in her head-to have the time or the energy to feel such things. She simply wasn’t bothered with it. Now was a different story altogether. She found herself very bothered.

    Astrid knew the longer she let it go on, the more the intensity of those feelings would build. It would drive the sexual tension in the relationship up and up and up until they couldn’t deny it any longer. Did she want that? Oh yes, she thought. Quickly, her conscience overrode her libido and brought her back to her senses. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. She couldn’t progress into a physical relationship with him until she knew he was there for the long haul and she wasn’t ever going to ask him if he was.  Astrid had no intention of trying to tie Alex to her when he deserved someone so much better. Someone whole, someone who could give him so much more than she could and someone who hadn’t lied to him about the majority of the events in her life. It was selfish of her to have allowed things to go on as long as they had. If she wanted to be with him the right way, she had to start telling him the truth about everything. Could she do that? He took the news about her telekinesis well enough, though if she hadn‘t screwed up, he still wouldn‘t know about that either. It made her feel guilty; she could have told him at any time. Would it be so very hard to tell him everything else? Alex was so easy to talk to and she imagined that if there was anyone she could feel comfortable telling, it would be him; that is, if she could ever get over her fear of being completely exposed for the mess she was. If she couldn’t, she’d have to let Alex go. She couldn’t keep stringing him along with her if it was just a waste of his time. She could handle that; she was used to being alone. But, the thought of living without him now was unbelievably heartbreaking-though she’d never tell him that-and telling him the truth was just plain scary. Anything that made her vulnerable was scary. Yet another reason why she would just have to duct tape her inner vixen’s loud mouth shut and keep her hands off Alex. I’m just going to enjoy tonight with him and I’ll think about that later, she told herself.

    It seemed like no time at all that they pulled up in Astrid’s drive way even though she noticed that Alex took the long way and didn’t drive quite as fast as was usual for him. He obviously wanted to draw out his time with her which was really sweet. She went to grab the handle to get out and Alex put his hand on her other arm. “No you don’t,” he said. “I know I was late, but this is a date and you are not getting out of this jeep until I open the door for you.” Astrid appreciated the gentlemanly gesture, but she couldn’t just let herself stop there. She had to argue. “I am a grown woman. I think I can handle opening the door,” she replied. “Nobody said you couldn’t,” he said patiently and continued in mock exaggeration, “see, this is why chivalry is dead. Men didn’t kill it. Women did,” but Astrid heard the faint note of seriousness in his voice. “Fine,” was all she said as he got out of the jeep and came around to her door.

    After he opened the door, he took her hand to help her step down and this time, she didn’t argue. “Thank you,” she said a little stiffly. He didn’t speak. He simply nodded his head once, mouth turned up in a small satisfied smile, eyes never leaving hers. He didn’t let go of her hand as they walked up the porch and she unlocked the door to let them inside. It was just after midnight and as soon as Astrid entered the living room, she kicked off the disagreeable heels and plopped down on her soft charcoal grey couch in an unsuitable fashion for one wearing a dress, but she didn’t care. She didn’t have to pretend to be lady-like in front of Alex. She had been on her feet for four hours straight and she was definitely feeling it. Alex went to the kitchen and returned to sit beside her with two cokes. He gave her an already opened can and popped his own open right after. “Thanks,“ she said, suddenly feeling more exhausted now that she was a little more comfortable. “Welcome, babe. Thought you might need it,“ Alex replied.

 Astrid hadn’t even flipped on any lights so they were sitting side by side in the dark sipping cokes. Alex pulled her legs up into his lap to scoot closer to her and they sat like that, quietly in the dark for several minutes with Alex absently rubbing her sore feet. Finally, Astrid spoke sounding half asleep as she did so. “Alex?” she said softly, letting her empty can drop lightly to the floor beside her. She‘d pick it up later- maybe for practice. “Hmmm?” “Do you really think women killed chivalry?” She felt his body moving against her legs and knew that he was chuckling. “Yes and no,” he replied. “Oh well, thanks. That clears it up then,” Astrid said lazily. “No, what I mean is it’s both. Men are dicks most of the time, but women are pretty frustrating, too. Some of you want us to treat you like a lady-respect, blah, blah, blah-but, when we do, you get all indignant on us-like we’re trying to say you aren’t capable- we’re not just so you know,“ he laughed again remembering Astrid’s response about being able to handle the door. “And then some of you just let us treat you however we damn well please. If we can get away with something we’re going to. It’s as simple as that,” he finished. “What about you?” Astrid asked. “Me? I’m pretty sure you’d kick my ass if I treated you badly. Better to be alone than to be with a tool,” He paused for a moment and Astrid sat quietly, waiting because it felt like he left his sentence hanging.

    “I’m trying to do everything right. I don’t want to lose you,” he finally said seriously. She felt more alert after these words and wanted to tell him he wasn’t going to lose her, but she hadn’t made that decision yet so instead she said, “You are doing everything right, Alex.” It was the truth. “Oh, I’m not so sure about that,” he told her and his voice sounded heavy, strained for some reason Astrid couldn’t understand. “But thanks for sayin’ it anyway.” He shifted and leaned in closer to her face. He was practically on top of her with his arms wrapped around her, cradling her. He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and started to rise, but Astrid put her free arm-he was laying on the other one-around his neck to pull him back down to her. He went willingly and she kissed him. It was the first time she had ever allowed herself to make any kind of gesture that communicated just how much she wanted him there with her. Sure, she had kissed him plenty of times, but he always initiated it- she was just a participant. Every time he hugged her or pulled her close, when he let go, even if she didn’t want him to, she accepted it and never made any moves to pull him back. It was a small expression admittedly, but significant nonetheless.

    Alex realized that and responded to her kiss with a noticeably amplified eagerness. Astrid attempted to free her trapped arm and Alex shifted his body up so that she could. Once it was free, she wrapped her arm around him and pulled him closer to her, fully aware that his entire upper body was bent over on top of her, pressed up against her. Her legs were still thrown across his lap, but the position was not uncomfortable. One of his hands roamed the side of her body while he positioned the other behind her head, tangled up in her short hair. Her hands were doing plenty of roaming of their own now that both of them were free. The kiss was wild with heat and passion. Astrid’s breathing was erratic. She pushed herself further into Alex and he responded in kind. They were this close to getting entirely carried away. Part of Astrid, the thoroughly aroused part, just wanted to let go and have her way with the boy, but the rational part of her brain knew she couldn’t do that and not because she was afraid. If this was what being vulnerable was always like, she wanted to try it a lot more often, so for the first time, it wasn’t her fear for her pride that slowed her at all. It was her feelings for Alex that halted her. If they went any further, their relationship would be stepping into entirely new territory and if that was ever going to happen, she wanted to do it right.

    At the moment, with Alex’s heat, his hands on her body, his mouth on hers, she couldn’t think clearly about what ‘the right way’ included, but she was sure it wasn’t like this…or maybe it was like this, but at the very least, it wasn’t right now. Her brain acknowledged the fact, but her body didn’t because she kept right on kissing him, more ferociously as the seconds passed. Alex wasn’t complaining and kept pace with her flawlessly. He was such an incredible kisser. He also happened to be a total gentleman because Astrid noticed, slightly to her disappointment, that his hands stayed mostly around on her back or on her waist, never traveling above her rib cage or farther down than her hips. He pulled away briefly, a little breathless. He whispered intensely, ironically “and here I am talking to you about chivalry…” before he resumed the kiss. Astrid broke away again and before her thoughts could connect with her mouth she responded in a short, raspy breath, “so be a little less chivalrous then.”

    Alex was utterly taken by surprise and broke the kiss for a third time-face glowing even in the dark-he gave her a questioning stare. “You don’t mean that?” he inquired dubiously, but she could still see the glimmer of hope in his eyes and hear it in his voice. “Actually I do, but…,” she stopped, unsure of what she wanted to say. If she finished the sentence now, that was it. He would stop and she wasn’t sure she really wanted him to. Damn you! You stupid, stupid woman, she scolded herself internally. It was for the best. “…I guess we shouldn’t. Right…now.” Even though she knew it was the right thing to do, she still struggled to say it because she whole-heartedly did not want to. She added the right now part on in a subconscious hope that Alex would recognize it as a rain check rather than a cancellation.

    He didn’t even look disappointed. His eyes were sparkling and his mouth was turned up in his ever constant smile as he raised up. “You’re right, babe. You mind if I turn this light on?” he asked, gesturing to the lamp on the table beside the couch. “Sure,” she said, her breath still a little uneven. She started to raise herself up off the couch as Alex reached for the light. The glare was blinding, but after a few seconds their eyes adjusted and they got a good look at each other. They were both sitting up now on opposite sides of the couch while they stared at each other with humorous expressions. “Babe…you have…sex hair,” Alex said, amusement dripping from his voice. “I’m totally turned on,” he admitted, unashamed. “No different than what you look like on a daily basis,” she responded, giggling. Actually giggling. Astrid never giggled. Well, since she met Alex, she had started doing a lot of things she never did and at that moment, it didn’t bother her at all. Giggling was good. She liked giggling.

    “Does my sex hair turn you on?” he asked, obviously going somewhere with the question. “Definitely,” she said seriously. “Good to know,” was all he said which puzzled Astrid a little because she was sure he was trying to make some kind of point or joke. She decided to ask him about it later. It was approaching one o’clock in the morning and she wanted to get out of her dress and get to bed. “I’m going to go take this dress off. You wait here.” Alex puckered his lips, raised his eyebrows and made a show of settling back into the couch with his hands folded behind his head, “yes ma’am,” he said happily. Astrid realized then how her statement must have sounded and laughed at herself. She got up shaking her head and didn’t even try to clarify what she meant before she practically bounced into her room to put on some PJ’s and smooth out her ‘sex hair‘. It was more of a weak impersonation considering they hadn’t had sex.

    She came back out moments later in shorts and a white tank top to find Alex still in the same position he was in when she left him. “Wow. When someone tells you to stay, you really take that shit to heart, don’t you?” she teased. “Only when it’s you babe,” he winked at her. “No, but really, I should go. It’s after one and you have to go to work in the morning don’t you?” “Not until nine,” Astrid said, somewhat sullen now that she was fully awake and Alex was talking about leaving. It was childish to feel that way. It was late, she had to work and she had to get some rest, but she didn’t want him to leave. He could go to work anytime he felt like it seeing as how he worked with his father in a family owned auto shop and Alex had told her before that when he had to leave town, his dad was good about giving him a day to rest before he came back to work. She wondered what he did that was so taxing his father would give him a day off to recuperate. From other things he had told her, his dad was pretty adamant about the whole ‘hard-working man’ thing-he never missed a day of work himself. But again, it was none of her business and Alex would tell her when he got ready. That must have been her pay pack for keeping secrets from him.

    “You look like you could use the eight hours of sleep,” he said honestly. “That obvious, huh?” “I just know you is all.” He got up off the couch and reached for her hand so she could walk him to the door. She intertwined her fingers with his, let the warm, rough hands soothe her and they started at a slow pace toward the door. He leaned down, gave her a soft, sweet kiss on the lips and for a moment he paused to study her face and look into her eyes. She had no idea what he found there, but he seemed content with it as he turned and stepped down to the porch. She let her arm stretch so she could hold onto his hand longer, but stayed where she was just inside the door. Something about saying goodbye to him now just made her insides squirm with displeasure. She was always hesitant to see him go, but this time she was being silently obstinate about it. He gently loosened his fingers from her grip and walked quietly down the steps to his jeep.

    Astrid closed the door before he got in and started to lock it, but an overwhelming sadness hit her. She felt empty inside. It was the same feeling she got when the blackness over-took her, only intensified dramatically. But, she could deal with that blackness because it was familiar and even though it drove her crazy to remember nothing before the woods, she still had the pictures, the letters, her occasional flashes of memory to keep her company. Granted, it was an annoying, torturous company, but she was used to it. She was not used to this feeling she was having now. It was nearly as horrible as the hollow feeling that invaded her that first night in the forest, after a part of her had broken away and died. She never wanted to have that feeling again-once was enough. She didn’t just want Alex with her; she needed him. She didn’t want to seem desperate, but it was either crawl in bed alone like always and think herself in circles like she always did until she felt like she was going crazy or call Alex back in. She had seconds to decide as she knew he‘d be cranking up the jeep any moment.

    Before she could change her mind, she flung the door open and stepped on to the porch. He looked up when he heard her come out, standing on the drivers side of the jeep, keys in hand. He hadn’t even gotten in yet, which was odd-normally, he didn’t waste time. “Stay,” she breathed barely audible, before she lost her nerve. She used her mind to focus as hard as she could on his keys and they flew from his hands and landed with a loud clatter on the porch. She meant to catch them, but apparently, she’d have to practice more on that. He looked astounded for a moment and he walked to the porch steps, stopping at the bottom with an amused, curious expression. She stuck her hand out, an invitation. “Stay,” Astrid said again.
             
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GOD BLESS YOU FOR CONTINUING TO CHAPTER FIVE AFTER THIS MONSTROSITY OF A CHAPTER :P CLICK ME, CLICK ME!!