Chapter 8 - Phantom Cruise

Merry Christmas everyone!

I hadn't intended on getting this posted today, but because my beta (CreativelySpecial) is amazing and wonderful - here you are! :) I apologize for the long wait and hope you enjoy!

No copyright infringement intended. These characters do not belong to me, but oh how I wish they did.

Phantom Cruise

Chapter 8 - Ballsy Bella

~Ron Weasley~

"So you're tellin' me…that nothin' happened with Eric because he's in love with Sookie and that you melted Sookie's real boyfriend, Bill, when you threw a batch of sunshine at Damon, who was trying to kill Edward, who was trying to kill Damon, to help Bella? Is that about right?" I asked Hermione in one quick breath.

"Essentially, yes. Although, I don't think Edward's original intention was to kill Damon. It was just an experiment to see if he would die without his ring after having been injected with Edward's venom," she stated matter-of-factly. Then she went on to acquiesce, "However, I can't deny that Edward wouldn't have been at all bothered by Damon's departure from the universe."

"So when I woke up that morning and you were talking to Eric…that was nothing?" I asked hesitantly.

Hermione smiled reassuringly. "Absolutely nothing. I dropped my wand and ran from the Cullens' room in a fright as a result of what I'd accidentally done to Bill. It was horrendous and stupid; I didn't think it all the way through," she berated herself. "Eric was only returning my wand. He's the one who gave me the idea for the sleeping draught, actually."

Harry entered from the bathroom drying his hands on a towel. "Thank Merlin it worked. Really brilliant, Hermione."

Normally, Hermione would have been beaming at such a compliment, but considering she was still rattled about what she'd done to Bill, she gave Harry only a half-smile. She must have felt she got it only half right. I could sympathize completely with that feeling, but Hermione wasn't used to being anything except perfect; it must have been torturous for her.

"I just hope I can pull brilliant off again with this spell Elena's friend sent to me. I've never done magic like this before…"

I put my arm around Hermione and drew her close to me. It was automatic that I should want to comfort her.

"You'll do fine. You're amazing, Hermione. There's no way you can't do this. You can do magic some witches twice your age can't do. Really, don't worry."

I rubbed my hand up and down her arm as I talked and gradually felt the tension release as she leaned in closer to me. By the time I was done, her head was on my shoulder and she gave me a small smile that said, 'thanks for trying.' It was better than nothing and frankly, I was so distracted by her head on my shoulder and the smell of her magnificent hair that I almost hoped she'd feel this dejected all the time so I could keep on comforting her. Terribly selfish, isn't it?

"You've practiced it a thousand times. With as much as the girl has already been through, I don't think this is going to bring her demise or anything. If you don't get it right this time, you just keep practicing. You'll get it. You always do," Harry offered while he finished dressing.

He knew how worried Hermione had been the last week. The spell was causing her so much stress that her hair was actually falling out. I swear; I'd found enough hair around our room to weave a blanket. It wasn't even entirely necessary that she do it at all, but she wanted to in order to try to make amends for her mistake with Bill. I wasn't exactly sure how making a "ring of not burning" for Bella was making anything right where Bill was concerned, but the female logic is something I will always question and never fully understand.

Edward's venom had worn off so that Damon was no longer able to walk in the sunlight without his ring after about two days. It was a riot to watch when the effects started to wear off. I happened to be outside on the deck the morning that Damon walked out of his cabin sans ring. He was stretching his limbs out, probably getting ready to collect a morning drink when smoke starting rising from his skin and I heard a sound very akin to bacon sizzling.

Damon looked confused with wide eyes for only a moment before he crouched down, shielding his head and muttering a string of muffled profanities I could scarcely make out. His skin was steadily burning as he scuttled like a crab under the overhang by his door that put him just out of the suns rays. It was hilarious to watch. It really made my morning, actually.

Nothing severe happened to him. He was able to heal quickly and Hermione had given him his ring back a few days prior. He slipped it back on, downed a bottle of blood to heal and all was right in the universe again except no one had any idea what that meant for Bella.

Once she came out of the draught that Hermione made for her, it seemed she was a full vampire. No feeding necessary. She was devilishly hungry, though. Really…the girl was like a bloody wild animal- completely barmy. They tried giving her animal blood in a glass, but she wasn't having a bit of it. When we docked, they took her out hunting in the forest for some real wild animals. It helped a bit, but she was still famished when they returned, as she couldn't finish. They found she was exceedingly sensitive to sunlight.

It doesn't burn her, but it makes her uncomfortable. She can't see as well, her head hurts and she can't function to her fullest ability. Makes her bloody cranky as well. She doesn't sparkle like the rest of the Cullens either; rather, she glows. She has this radiant glow that just makes her fantastic to look at, although I'd never tell Hermione that. I still remember the birds she clawed my face with when I was with Lavandar. Not looking forward to having a go with that again.

Damon suggested they give her human blood (from a glass, of course) and reluctantly, everyone agreed once they'd tried every other avenue. It worked and she was fine after that, although she gets a bit ticky around Elena. So far, she hasn't bitten her. She seems to have an astonishing amount of control for a leech.

The only other order of business is to get her a ring like Damon's so she doesn't suffer from the vampire version of PMS - Sun Sensitivity Syndrome? (I rather like The Sun Makes Me An Insufferable Bitch Disease myself.) Since Hermione is the only witch we know skilled enough to accomplish such a task, she's the one that carries the burden.

Having Harry's support and mine seemed to be going a long way to make her feel better. At least at that moment.

Hermione wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a brief hug along with a quick kiss on the cheek, and then she got up and gave Harry the same. She picked up a dainty white gold ring off her bedside table and pulled her wand off the bed, sticking it in the back pocket of her jeans.

"We'd better get going," she announced with a sigh.

"Alright, then. Let's get on with it," Harry agreed, opening the door.

We met the Cullens in the basement area of the ship where they store all the supplies. Bella was, of course, waiting there with the rest of them. Bella had her own entourage' aside from her family: Jacob the werewolf; both Salvatore brothers; Elena and Sookie. The only ones missing were Bill, Eric and Pam, as none of them could come out during the day. I knew Hermione was thinking of Bill when she began staring at the floor, her guilty conscience plaguing her once again. I almost thanked Merlin out loud as I put my arm around Hermione's waist before I realized how incredibly wrong that would be.

"Alright, everyone, I'd like to do this quickly," she announced, pulling herself together and getting focused to perform an entirely different kind of magic sans wand.

"You have the ring?" Damon asked.

"Yes. It's one I rarely wore. I hope you like it, Bella, because if this works, you're going to be stuck with it for quite a while," she said as she handed the ring over to Bella.

Bella was a breathtaking sight. She still had the same long, mahogany hair, but the highlights in it were intensified further as was the brightness of her chocolate brown eyes, the paleness of her porcelain skin with its rosy red cheeks. Her smile was blinding and she seemed to draw everyone to her the same way a *Veela might. Only she wasn't a dangerous, sneaky wench like most Veela were.

Bella took the ring in her palm and sat it gently down upon a plastic box stamped with big white, block-shaped letters that read, "CATS PEE ON A GOOSEBERRY BUSH." I tried not to laugh. I was unsuccessful, for which Hermione not-so-covertly smacked me in the back.

"I want to thank you all for giving me time to practice this spell and Elena for getting it to me. But you must understand that I can make no promises. I'm a witch that uses a wand and my Latin is, frankly, lacking, so just…don't expect a miracle here, or anything. I'm working with elements I know very little about," Hermione stated nervously.

"We just appreciate you trying, dear," Esme cooed while Carlisle bobbed his head in agreement.

"Do I need to do anything?" Bella asked in her new beautiful bell-toned voice.

"The directions Bonnie sent to me don't require you to do anything. I, however, am of a different opinion. Do you pray, Bella?" Hermione asked her seriously.

Bella looked taken aback by her question, but Hermione didn't give her time to answer it before she gulped and muttered seriously, "if so, start now."

Hermione very carefully unfolded the piece of paper with the words to the incantation on it, sat it gently by the ring where she'd have a clear view of it, held her hands shakily above the ring itself and began slowly but steadily repeating the words over and over again.

Everyone looked on in anticipation as she attempted to do something she thought to be far out of her range of abilities. I watched in fascination as she repeated the words stronger and more confident with each passing rotation. The ring began to rise into the air and hover in front of us all. Hermione looked completely *gobsmacked, but continued without hesitation. She seemed to become more sure of herself as the moments passed.

A moment later, the ring fell, with a loud smack, back down to the top of the container and Hermione inhaled what had to be the largest breath of relief I'd heard a person make since Harry and I escaped that forest full of spiders.

"I think it worked!" she muttered, astonished. She picked it up and placed it on the index finger of Bella's right hand.

Bella took a large breath and exhaled, "there's only one way to find out."

~Bella~

Here comes the moment of truth. Or of bitchiness, whichever.

I took a deep, unnecessary breath as I braced myself to walk outside the heavy metal doors and climb the stairs that would put me directly beneath the sun's offensively brightening rays. I had to remind myself over and over again that I'd been through worse in the last nine days.

First, I'd watched with worried anticipation as my soon-to-be husband, werewolf best friend and Vampire Bill all tumbled together in a blur of indistinguishable motion while a viking vampire didn't even pretend to look over my shoulder and watch me as Edward had asked of him. I came to the realization at that moment that I was a doormat. A submissive, idiot doormat.

I wanted to feel powerful and sexy, which is part of the reason I pseudo-raped my vampire boyfriend while he was under the influence of a magical roofie once Harry and the others got us safely back to our room. That and he just looked so amazingly fuck-hot laying there the way he was…

Seriously, Bella! Get a grip on yourself!

I didn't know that he could actually see and feel everything. I thought the magic rendered him entirely useless, body and mind. Apparently, it was only his body that was frozen which was proven to me before I could even fully comprehend it once Harry lifted the spell.

In a motion more swift than any I'd ever seen I was pinned underneath Edward with his lips all over me. I thought surely he would have come out of his paralyzed state not knowing what the hell was going on and pressed the pause button the way he always does. Superhuman speed and discipline - Edward is not a very good pretend seventeen year old boy! If the universe was normal Edward should have had a raging hormonal cum-fest going on in his trousers at all times!

But since nothing in my universe is as it should be, he's a vampire more than five times my age who has an unprecedented amount of self-control that never falters no matter what I do to break him down.

Except for that night.

I thought it would be so much harder, but I almost got exactly what I wanted the first night aboard the ship. It was amazing, the way he was kissing me, and I was sure it would escalate to precisely where I wanted it to go if I could just keep his mind away from Saint Edward street and traveling a little faster along Please For The Love of God Fuck Me Street.

Alas, the universe really does hate me. Somehow I started bleeding. And Edward started sucking.

I can just hear the man love innuendoes Damon could manufacture from that statement. Let's keep going, shall we?

He almost drained me completely of blood, but the entire time I couldn't fight to get him off me. There was kissing and then he would suck on my lip; kiss, suck, nibble. Kiss, suck, nibble…it was blissful. I didn't want him to stop. If that was what my death would be like, then so be it. I damn well tried to enjoy every moment of it.

But then, at the last minute something stopped him. He jerked his head up and before I knew it I heard crashing and the faint echo of voices. They were steadily growing weaker, Edward's face slowly becoming fuzzier as the darkness took over. The blackness settled over me like a velvet cape.

I remember nothing after that until I woke a day or two later. Edward was by my bedside apologizing immediately for his reprehensible behavior, filling my ears with words of love and atonement. I tried my best to reassure him, but it did me little good as I was so pissed at Edward that I could barely look at him. Most of all, I was disgusted with myself for not being good enough for him. He obviously didn't want me forever if he didn't change me after almost sucking the life from me. Surely he realized that it would benefit us both if I wasn't his own personal walking Bella-Buffet? Why wasn't I good enough to be like him?

I felt useless, worthless. If Edward didn't want me, there was no reason to be alive. He should have just let me die happy and blissfully unaware instead of letting Stefan and Damon resuscitate me. It seemed he only wanted to prolong my torture. I sat for a day - a day and a half, maybe - being watched over day and night until the Salvatore's blood exited my system and all the while I was filled to the brim with resentment and desperation.

I wasn't so much of an idiot that I didn't understand why they were watching me so closely. I deduced that if I died with their blood in my system, I'd become one of them. Edward neither denied nor confirmed it, which was confirmation enough for me. The wheels started turning and eventually I got my one opportunity to put my very obscure plan into action.

Edward left my side once to go talk to Alice. It seemed there was something going on that I was unaware of.

Oh, what a surprise! Bella, out of the loop? Never!

I had absolutely had it at that point. Nobody cared a bit for what I wanted - no one listened to a word I said. Except for Damon. He seemed to really understand my dilemma.

I talked to him while Edward was out and he reassured me that there was no reason for me to be in so much pain. He tried to tell me that Edward just wanted what was best for me and I countered him, wondering how anyone else could possibly know more about what's best for me than I do.

It was a long volley of a conversation at the end of which I managed to convince Damon that he'd be doing me the greatest kindness by turning me into a vampire. He had the strength to do what Edward didn't and if Edward didn't have anything to do with the transformation, he could never feel guilty about it. And once he saw how happy I was afterwards, he'd never question that it was the right thing. Plus, if he didn't help me, I was just going to find some crude, painful way to off myself; at least Damon had the ability to do it quickly and humanely.

It wasn't an ideal scenario considering I wouldn't be exactly like the Cullens, but it was better than nothing and as I said, I was desperate. If Edward didn't want me after I'd finally joined his world, I'd go off and live alone somewhere or else stalk Damon just for the fun of it.

Somehow, something I said struck a chord with him. I saw how his icy blue eyes glazed over, his expression saddened and he sighed in that way that clearly says, 'I give up.' He hung his head down for a moment, letting his thick black hair shield his anguished eyes from mine. After a long moment he looked back up at me with an intense gaze as if he was searching for something significant.

Then, he looked into my eyes with such compassion as if he was about to cry, put his hands behind my head to gently stroke my hair and said, "I sincerely hope you get everything you want, Bella." He kissed me lightly on the forehead - a very sweet gesture - and snapped my neck. That was it.

After hours and hours of seemingly endless, torturous, scorching pain - I made it. I didn't even have to kill a human as Edward said they were concerned I might. He said it had been days that I'd lain unconscious until I smelled Sookie's blood. I wondered why I would be smelling Sookie's blood; what the hell happened while I was out? After a few hours of listening to my family and holding Edward's and Damon's hands, I had the whole story sorted out.

I wanted to kick Edward for what he did to Damon, but I didn't have the strength until after they took me hunting and even then, I wasn't fit to do much damage. The animal blood was repulsive and the sunlight made me the undead bitch of the century as well as making me weaker than I already was after the prolonged exposure. Damon brought me the real stuff a little while after that. It was like magic the way it made me feel.

It was warm, wet and comforting. I'd never had anything better in my entire existence. I felt crazy strong and immediately wanted to wrestle with Emmett. He obliged and the second I beat him I deemed that being a vampire was the most fantastic thing in the world. I have officially reached badass status.

Since then, Edward has still been acting a little sketchy, but everyone's been working together to show me the ropes. Elena pitched in and contacted her friend Bonnie to get a spell for a sun ring like Damon and Stefan's so that I wouldn't be weakened by the sun. I suspect it was mainly so I wouldn't be making everyone else's lives miserable for the remaining three weeks of our vacation.

I tried really hard not to be bothersome to anyone, but all these new senses, emotions and powers…it was all so overwhelming. Edward tried to console me by being there for my every whim and assuring me that I was not a problem, that I was handling everything unbelievably well and everyone understood what I was experiencing.

The truth was that I didn't think anyone could fully understand because they were all vampires from different parts of the world; different mythologies even. I was a vampire hybrid - a mix of two types of vampires. How could any of them understand what that was like?

Everyone catered to me and I couldn't stand it any longer. I wanted to do something to help myself. That's why I asked Hermione if there was anything I could do to help her with the spell even though I knew I would be useless to her. She was going out of her way to perform a spell that was ridiculously difficult and she couldn't even use her wand to carry it out because the spell came from a Salem witch - not a Hogwarts witch. I couldn't believe the jumble of insanity my life had become. And I was supposed to be on vacation, of all things!

I was immensely relieved and in awe when the spell seemed to have worked. Hermione was absolutely brilliant! Damon warned me not to get my hopes up and assured me that if Hermione couldn't pull the spell off, he'd have me a ring made once he got back to Mystic Falls, but the thought of having to wait a month longer to receive it, to enjoy walking in the sun again - it was unbearable. I did exactly what Hermione told me to do: I prayed like hell that she was successful.

Here I stood at the door that would lead me upward towards the sunlight that would both warm me and make me crazy with the desire to kill people, yet too weak to actually do it. How fitting, yes? After that deep, steady breath to brace myself, I opened the door and slowly climbed the stairs with a procession of family and new friends behind me.

It felt like forever walking at human pace up the stairs when I could have been there in less than a second. Even though I knew the sun wouldn't kill me, the way it made me feel was enough to make me hesitate. I wasn't in a hurry to feel any more discomfort, so I was prolonging my own anticipation. It didn't make much sense, but none of this did so why bother making sense at this point?

Once I came to the place in the stairs where the shadows of the overhangs above began to disperse allowing the golden sunlight to flood across the floor, I stopped. I could feel the apprehension palpably accumulate around me. Hermione was absolutely buzzing with it. If this worked, she'd be the most phenomenal witch any of us had ever encountered and if it didn't she'd feel like a failure. I hated that anything having to do with me could ever have the potential to make her feel that way. I really appreciated her efforts to help me, as well as everyone else's.

"Bella, you're gonna have to move it, honey. It's not like you're gonna die - quit stalling and move your ass up the damn stairs!" Sookie prodded impatiently. Edward gave her a stern look, Damon laughed and Jacob heartily agreed that I was being stupid.

Sookie was right. I was wasting precious time, especially hers. I'm sure she was eager to get back to Bill. He had sustained serious burn damage and still had not recovered completely. Why he had not healed was a bit of a mystery, but if I had to take a guess I would have said it was because of the magic.

I took the last few steps into the sun automatically shielding my eyes from the throbbing I was expecting to feel from the intensity of the sun. I was half shocked when I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the nausea setting in, the anger or aggravation. I just felt the warmth of a summer day touch down on my cold skin. It was an enchanting feeling. It was like I could feel each individual ray tickling the surface of my skin, dancing across my body in a seductive sort of way; it was if the sun was doing a dance that only I could feel.

I let out a laugh that sounded oddly like the tinkling of bells. Lavish and elegant; not a sound I'd ever made before becoming a vampire. I heard a collective exhale behind me and turned to stare at the wondrously happy faces of those around me. Hermione did it! The ring she'd just miraculously spelled for me was the equivalent of vampire Midol! Amazing!

I tackled her in a magnanimous bear hug from which I had to quickly release her before I accidentally crushed her bones and then I speedily turned to Elena. She was the one who had gotten the spell to Hermione so I owed her just as much appreciation. I was far more mindful of my new strength while hugging Elena than I was with Hermione.

Next I turned to Damon and Stefan giving them the biggest hug someone as small as I could wrap two full-grown men in at once. They were the ones that made it possible for me to be what I am. I would be forever grateful to Damon and comforted by both of them. Something about having so much of their blood flowing through me made me want them near me almost constantly.

I hugged every member of my family as they all congratulated me and told Hermione what a tremendous job she'd done. When I came to Jacob he actually sniffed me. It was the first time I'd been in close proximity to him since the change had been deemed official. I suspect he was deciding whether or not he still wanted me for a best friend when I was supposed to be an enemy.

"Oddly enough, you don't reek," he said, sounding surprised.

I pulled back from the hug and gave him a quizzical look.

"I mean, don't get me wrong - you still have a little of that Edward stench, but it's not overpowering or anything. You still smell kinda human…weird." He laughed and I punched him in the arm, glad to know he'd decided I was still a worthy friend.

"Owe," he yelped, rubbing his arm as I was pulling my fist back from the punch.

"Really, Jake, I'm glad you decided that you still want to talk to me, but what are you even doing here?" I asked Jake something I'd been wondering since he stupidly assaulted Bill our first night aboard.

Jake hung his head and confessed that Sam had sent him. "To make sure that this -" he gestured up and down at me "- didn't happen to you. Which means I'm going to get my ass handed to me once I get off this boat. I just couldn't kill you, Bella. And I couldn't let you die either. I figured I'd rather have you this way than not at all so I didn't interfere with the transformation. I thought about it," he added sternly. "But I couldn't do it. I love you too much, Bells," he whispered.

I knew he meant it in a far friendlier way than I liked and it cut my soul open to know that he would still be in pain because of my decisions, but there was no other choice for me.

"I love you, too, Jake. You know that."

"And you know how much I wish it was enough."

Jake hurried away shaking while I tried not to run after him. Instead I gripped the first person my arms could reach to bring myself back to reality. It was Emmett, thank God. He would surely take my mind off my wolfly troubles. He scooped me up, spun me around and planted a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek before abruptly dropping me to lip-wrestle Rose, who was following behind him.

When I came to Ron and Harry, Ron seemed to be in a daze. I gave him an awkward, one-armed pat on the back while I mumbled a quick 'thank you for your support' and then turned to Harry who obviously had more sense. I told him he had my sincere gratitude for his part in helping me and for stalling that fight with Edward, Jake and Bill. As I was turning away I heard Ron mumbling stupidly, "pretty," as if he was a dazed, slobbering two year old watching his first fireworks display. He was such an endearing character...

I saved Edward for last. I wanted his arms and lips to be the last thing I felt touching me so that when we finally separated I could still feel that tingle of electricity he always elicited in me dancing along my frame in an orgasmic rhythm with the heavenly sensation of the sun.

"You're exquisite," he told me. "You actually glow in the sunlight," he said in awe.

I buried my head in his chest just enjoying being able to touch and be touched without either of us having to be in some form of pain to do so. He no longer had to experience the burning thirst, the desire to kill me or show any restraint for fear of hurting me. I didn't have to be careful of every whip of my hair or worry that he didn't want me. It was clear that he did. As I pressed myself closer into his hug, it became abundantly clear just how much he absolutely did want me.

I heard a groan from somewhere in the distance before I felt a soft palm on my back. "I'm real happy for y'all, but I can't take all these lusty thoughts you vampires are throwin' around any more. Catch up with ya later to celebrate, maybe?"

"Sure," Edward said kindly, chuckling a bit. He was beaming - just as I was - at all the new possibilities our lives held. Such a tumultuous road we'd traveled thus far and finally, it was starting to feel like things were going to work out.

I caught a peek at Alice who just nodded her head at me while she continued to hug Jasper, who had a dazzling smile on his face as well. He deserved all the happiness he could possibly soak up after having to endure so many others' sufferings along with his own.

"Everyone is thinking about celebrating. Are you okay with that?" Edward asked me quietly.

I made no response other than to pull him along behind me toward the uppermost part of the deck where there were people bathing in the sun, dancing, swimming and having drinks. Damon and Stefan followed behind with Elena in between the two of them while Damon yelled something about a party. He made it perfectly clear that they were celebrating whether I was or not.

Emmett and Jasper were of the first to follow them and along came everyone else.

It was one of the best days of my life and I was eager to see what the rest of them would bring.

That is, until Emmett hopped up onto a center table and began doing a very public strip tease for Rose. I will forever have the image of my big bear of a brother doing the cabbage patch wearing nothing but a navy blue speedo seared onto the surface of my brain like a cattle brand.

It was horrifying and hilarious all at once…kind of like those youtube videos of grotesquely obese humans flopping their fat rolls up and down while singing Britney songs - you want to look away, but you just can't. The only difference was that Emmett was exceptionally more attractive. Thank the good Lord Edward couldn't read my mind and Sookie wasn't there.

I pulled a few crumpled dollar bills out of the pockets of my jeans and very carefully attempted to stick them in the side band, but because I'm not quite yet attuned to my own strength I ended up ripping the thin fabric without even trying, causing a whole lot of Emmett to come floundering out for the world to see.

I took one look at Rose and thought she was going to murder me at my own party. The whole deck went silent while Rose and I stared each other down with me looking more like a deer caught in headlights than a dangerous vampire. I tried to mutter how sorry I was but embarrassment seemed to have rendered me speechless. How could I still be such an insufferable klutz even as a vampire? Epic fail on my part.

That's when Rose shocked the hell out of me by holding her hand up in the air like she wanted me to give her a high five. It was the first friendly gesture she'd ever shown me. I was thoroughly confused.

I shakily gave her a weak pat with one hand as she turned back to Emmett, smiled her dazzling white smile and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Wow baby, look at those balls of glory."

After offering my profuse and sincere apologies to both of them, I hung my head in shame and trudged back over to Edward to apologize to him. Of course he said it wasn't my fault and expressed his opinion that Emmett should not have been wearing something so scanty in front of a crowd of ladies, not to mention Esme! He claimed it was Emmett's own fault for being ridiculously crude never taking into account the fact that I was trying to tip him. It was a joke, but still, how much more tasteless could I have been?

I ran off to find a bathroom so that I could hide from everyone, but Alice and Jasper intercepted me. I couldn't help but laugh when I was with them so I stuck by their side for the rest of the evening and even sat with them at dinner that night. Having Jasper's influence to calm the raging embarrassment was more welcome than I could ever express to him.

I just hoped I could look Emmett in the face again someday without thinking the words 'balls of glory'. It didn't look promising.

I sighed. How can it be that both my life and my afterlife would turn out to be one long, discombobulate string of unfortunate accidents?

Unbearably long A/N...sorry, I know I suck.

*Veela: Mentioned for the first time in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. They're beautiful, mesmorizing creatures with silvery hair. They dance and get you all hynotized like a Siren would and they're really sneaky and awful. They're deceitful I guess you could say.

*Gobsmacked: English term meaning "to be amazed."

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